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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28161306">I Feel it in my Fingers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesolemneyed/pseuds/thesolemneyed'>thesolemneyed</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst, Blow Jobs, Christmas, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, Post-Divorce, Single Parents, age kink</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:21:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,335</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28161306</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesolemneyed/pseuds/thesolemneyed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeonghan had always loved Christmas, he was famous for it. Which was why, three years ago, when Joshua sat him down two days before Christmas Eve to tell him he was having an affair it felt even more like a carpet being ripped out from under him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>(past), Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Original Female Character(s), Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>126</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Feel it in my Fingers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkiSutaHatter/gifts">LilGreenMochi (AkiSutaHatter)</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For Mo, my eternal support.</p>
<p>Happy Christmas lovely.</p>
<p>xxx</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jeonghan had always loved Christmas. Like, really loved Christmas. Loved Christmas in a ‘dedicating the month of December to watching festive films’, ‘drinking the eggnog at work parties even though it made his stomach ache’, ‘spending more money on decorations for his tree than he did on a weekly food shop’ kind of way.</p>
<p>More than loving just Christmas, Jeonghan loved Christmas with Joshua. He loved going ice skating together and earning bruises that bloomed in the shape of love hearts, he loved stuffing him in overly wooly hats which made his cheeks flush, he loved curling up together on the rug next to the tree after they’d opened their presents and basking in the feeling of simply being together.</p>
<p>Their first Christmas together had been not long after they met, shy and overwhelmed in their first year of University. They’d stumbled across each other at a house party and had both spent the night making eyes at one another but not actually talking. Joshua would swear later on that that was the night he’d known that Jeonghan was the man for him and Jeonghan would roll his eyes and squeeze his arm and jokingly berate him for not making a move on the night. They’d run into each other at a coffee shop about a week later, though, and soon discovered that neither was making the long journey home for the holiday. Jeonghan had bought a tiny plastic tree for them both to decorate and they had exchanged tender, hopeful gifts, too awkward and expectant to fully make eye contact.</p>
<p>Although they’d been married in July, Joshua facing down his last summer of freedom before working life and Jeonghan enrolled in a competitive postgrad program, their first Christmas together had been like something out of a film. They’d both hated wearing gloves because they covered the thin, shining bands on their fingers. Joshua had surprised Jeonghan with a trip to the outdoor Christmas market that he hated but he knew Jeonghan adored. They had spent hours, fingers entwined, meandering up and down past cabins filled with trinkets. Jeonghan had spent way too much on cups of hot chocolate for them both which had tasted more of the paper cups they came in than anything else but which made their kisses ever so much sweeter.</p>
<p>They’d found out they were going to have Chan in early December seven years ago. That year, giddy with disbelief and gratitude and excitement, they’d bought each other identical ‘World’s Best Dad’ mugs, purely by coincidence, and spent three days drinking champagne out of them.</p>
<p>Jeonghan wanted Chan to find Christmas as special and as magical as he did. He made a ritual out of the buying and decorating of the tree, dedicating a whole day to the process. He insisted on small, sentimental gifts rather than any of the luxurious presents Joshua leaned towards. He found a small group of other parents for the family to go carolling with even though Chan was too young to really understand what was going on and they had to go home after only four houses. Rather than putting out carrots and mince pies for Santa, Jeonghan told Chan that Santa liked expensive biscuits and whiskey which he and Joshua then enjoyed that evening. The empty plate and glasses made Chan light up and Jeonghan’s chest bloom with warmth.</p>
<p>Jeonghan had always loved Christmas, he was famous for it. Which was why, three years ago, when Joshua sat him down two days before Christmas Eve to tell him he was having an affair it felt even more like a carpet being ripped out from under him.</p>
<p>White noise had filtered out Joshua telling Jeonghan that things had been different ever since Chan had been born. That their newly hectic schedules and reduced free time had created a rift between them that felt irreparable. That it had started as a stupid mistake but that she - his secretary - had been the one Joshua had gone to when his mother had health issues, when work stresses started building up, when, eventually, he started doubting his future with Jeonghan.</p>
<p>They had agreed not to tell Chan yet. To try to give him one last holiday season of normality before reshaping their lives for good.</p>
<p>That year, their bed had seemed impossibly gaping; a hungry maw waiting to swallow up whatever remained of Jeonghan’s pride. He had avoided collapsing into it, staying up later and later, wrapping presents, baking and cooking, staring blankly into the fireplace, cold and unlit.</p>
<p>That year the fingers of light had grown sharp nails that burrowed behind Jeonghan’s eyes and twisted into his brain. The snow and ice had made him shiver in a way that it had never before, his bones rattling against one another. Chocolate treats tasted like powdery chalk but weighed heavy and sickening in his stomach. Carols and chimes were discordant, scraping past his teeth catching in his throat.</p>
<p>That year Jeonghan had handled each moment like it was made of tissue paper, like moving too quickly would pull everything to shreds. But, no matter how slowly and carefully he trod, it all flaked away regardless.</p>
<p>Joshua moved out five days into the New Year, leaving Jeonghan to tackle mountains of divorce papers and teary, confused glances from their son.</p>
<p>Jeonghan felt like an empty vase; no longer beautiful, no longer useful.</p>
<p>Jeonghan had always loved Christmas, but now he can barely stand it. He scowls his way down supermarket aisles when festive tunes start blaring, shoving his earphones in and blasting something loud and angry. He frowns his way through Chan’s nativity, making sure to smooth out his eyebrows when Chan can see, his stomach still churning. He glares his way through handing off Chan to Joshua for a penultimate visit before Christmas Day, even though his ex husband has been nothing but kind, supportive, apologetic even in the three years since their separation. He is so clearly happier now, glowing beside his new wife, suddenly resembling once again the doe eyed boy Jeonghan fell in love with all those years ago.</p>
<p>“And you’ve definitely got your blanket?” He tugs Chan’s hat further down over his ears, earning an eye-roll that has definitely been inherited from himself.</p>
<p>“Yes, Papa.” Although only six, Chan has quickly adjusted to having two homes. He shows none of the anxiety he did the first time Joshua had picked him up, clinging to Jeonghan’s legs pitifully and insisting on a call every thirty minutes. Now, Jeonghan rings only once in the evening, for a very burbled and usually confused recap of the days events.</p>
<p>“We’ll see you at the market then, I guess?” Joshua’s kind eyes are worried and Jeonghan’s heart twists.</p>
<p>Joshua had arranged to meet up at a children’s Christmas market and Jeonghan, two glasses of wine deep into a <em>Sex and the City</em> binge, had regrettably agreed. It was reminiscent of that one years ago, from that magical period after they’d been married, they had been planning to take Chan to together the year after the breakup, when he was finally old enough to want to stay more than ten minutes.</p>
<p>For his family’s sake, though, he swallows the misery in his chest and glances up. “Of course. Looking forward to it.”</p>
<p>It almost doesn’t sound like a lie.</p>
<p>The next few days are miserable even by Jeonghan’s standards. He drags himself from his bed just in time for his call with Chan, eats cereal straight from the box, and drapes himself across varying available surfaces; it’s good to have variety.</p>
<p>The one time he chances to turn on the television, he winds up throwing everything in range - pillows, his popcorn, stopping just short of the remote - at the screen as Emma Thompson weeps alone in her bedroom.</p>
<p>The day of the market eventually rears its ugly head, Jeonghan watching the sun rise from the groove he has created in his sofa, a cold mug of tea stagnating by his side, sweet wrappers flickering as the heating stutters on, and a headache knocking around in the base of his skull.</p>
<p>He showers and dresses and manages to successfully avoid his own eye contact in the mirror. At least he looks presentable and doesn’t smell too much like pity. He shoves down some more cereal, this time with milk on it, and reminds himself to add more to the shopping list for that week.</p>
<p>He checks his phone, scrolling aimlessly through pictures of friends with the loves of their lives fully embracing the festive spirit. Someone he knew from school has just got engaged and has managed to turn this piece of information into seven separate posts, her joy engrossing on every part of Jeonghan’s carefully cultivated online space. Muting her on everything, he finally gets up to leave.</p>
<p>Luckily, the market is a walkable distance from his apartment meaning that he at least gets to escaped the claustrophobic mania of public transport. The air is brisk and nips at his fingers and nose as he buries his face deeper into his scarf and his hands into his pockets, shouldering past happy families and pretending their grins don’t burn into their retinas.</p>
<p>He catches sight of Joshua, Maddy, and Chan near Santa’s Grotto. At first, he sees them as a stranger might; Joshua tall, proud, and protective, one soft hand resting on the small of his wife’s back, Maddy crouching by Chan to point something out to him on the oversized Christmas tree, Chan’s eyes holding a whole galaxy of wonder.</p>
<p>Chan spots him staring and dashes over, his little arms already outstretched for a hug. There’s a smudge of something chocolatey at the corner of his mouth and Jeonghan licks a finger to wipe it away as Chan squirms in his grasp, half voicing his complaints.</p>
<p>Jeonghan begins to walk them back over to Joshua and Maddy, eyes only resting briefly on the way their bodies lean in to one another. “Did you have a good time at Daddy’s?”</p>
<p>Chan nods enthusiastically. “We had pancakes for breakfast every day and I got to stay up late to watch Pororo and I didn’t even need the subtitles but we still put them on for Maddy but I didn’t even look at them once.” He wriggles to get down as they get closer. “Didn’t I, Daddy? I knew what was going on even without reading.”</p>
<p>Joshua’s eyes crinkle into a smile. “You bet.” He looks up at Jeonghan. Jeonghan knows he sees the sag to his eyes, the bend to his spine, but Joshua is too much of a gentleman to point anything out. He jerks his head at the grotto behind them instead. “We promised we’d go in and meet Santa first and then we can wander round and look at some of the stalls. Maybe get a mulled wine after a bit?”</p>
<p>Chan lifts his head at this. “What makes the wine mulled?” It’s almost possible to see the next question, which was if he could have any, forming in his head.</p>
<p>Maddy chuckles. “It’s gross, Channie.” Jeonghan hates it when she calls him that. “We’ll have a hot chocolate instead.”</p>
<p>Chan seems to like that idea even more than the forbidden fruit of mulled wine and looks around, as if expecting the cup to appear in the next five seconds.</p>
<p>“But Santa first, remember? Do you have your list ready?” Joshua asks a silly question there. Chan starts writing his Christmas list in October. Jeonghan and Joshua were always careful not to spoil him and so limited him to a ‘top five’ system suggested in one of the endless parenting books they hoarded. Chan had learnt that this meant his lists required careful planning, mainly to see what gifts could be bundled together to count as one and therefore flaunt his parents’ meticulous strategy.</p>
<p>The adults let Chan lead the way, joining the short queue to the entrance to the grotto. They pay their fee, Jeonghan laughing along emptily when Joshua asked Maddy if she also wanted to ask for a gift from Santa, and make their way into the dark.</p>
<p>Inside is impressively decorated, hanging in the balance between naff and atmospheric. Clouds of puffy cotton snow hung from the ceilings, some intertwined with fairy lights. Jeonghan absently considers whether or not that is a fire hazard and makes a note in his head of the nearest fire exit.<br/>Chan is positively vibrating with excitement beside him. He seems to be rehearsing his list under his breath which brings some light back into Jeonghan’s chest and he rests a careful hand on his son’s head. Chan looks up, still mumbling and, turning his face back down, seems to catch sight of something which put all thoughts of Santa, present lists, and Christmas out of his mind it was so exciting.</p>
<p>“Mr Choi?” Chan is neither quiet nor subtle as he scurries over to perhaps the buffest elf Jeonghan has ever seen</p>
<p>The elf looks down, a hint of redness peaking at the tops of his ears. “Hi, bud. What are you doing here?” He crouches down to Chan’s eyeline and grins as Chan stops a few paces away from him, seemingly perplexed.</p>
<p>“Mr Choi, why are you pretending to be an elf?” Suddenly, all those warnings about ‘stranger danger’ and adults appealing to children with sweets seem to be in the forefront of Chan’s mind and he inches back towards Jeonghan again.</p>
<p>Sensing his son’s sudden anxiety, Jeonghan steps forward, pressing his legs reassuringly into Chan’s back and rubbing the back of his neck. “What do you mean pretending? This is a real elf.”</p>
<p>The elf chuckles and glances conspiratorially up at Jeonghan. “He’s right. Why else would I be wearing these tights?” He is indeed wearing lurid green tights although Jeonghan can’t work out quite how he managed to find a pair that didn’t split around his thighs. In fact, the whole outfit seems seconds away from busting at the seams which makes Jeonghan bite his lip to hide a laugh.</p>
<p>“But you’re not an elf.” Chan seems less upset now, but still confused. “You go to my school.”</p>
<p>Considering that this man is at least thirty, it seems highly unlikely that he attends Chan’s school as a fellow pupil. Jeonghan raises an eyebrow and the pink in the man’s ears deepens, spreading to his neck.</p>
<p>“I’m a caretaker,” he explains. “Chan and I have bumped into each other a few times, right little man?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Chan enthuses. “Mr Choi gives the best high fives.” They demonstrate said high five. It does look very solid and somehow Chan ends up sitting on Mr Choi’s knee once it is complete, nonchalantly acting as though it is the most comfortable place in the world.</p>
<p>Joshua and Maddy materialise at Jeonghan’s shoulder. “Channie, you’ve met a friend.” Maddy sounds delighted.</p>
<p>“This is Mr Choi,” Jeonghan explains. “He goes to Chan’s school.”</p>
<p>Joshua and Maddy exchange a confused glance, and seem to silently decide to return to the question later. Envy snakes its way underneath Jeonghan’s warm scarf.</p>
<p>“Mr Choi, this is my Papa.” Chan looks excited at facilitating an introduction. “And this is my Daddy and this is Maddy.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan sees Mr Choi’s eyes flick down to Joshua and Maddy’s casually interlaced fingers and then back up to the rigidity of Jeonghan’s shoulders. “You know, champ, when I’m not at school, you’re allowed to call me Seungcheol.”</p>
<p>Chan’s eyes light up; the forbidden joy of calling a member of school staff by his first name clearly delightful. “Really?”</p>
<p>Seungcheol laughs and Jeonghan wonders if his legs are getting cramped from the combination of the awkward crouch he is in and Chan’s weight on his legs. He considers whether the extra muscle makes it more or less difficult to balance and realises that he’s spent far too much time thinking about the legs of someone he’s literally only just met.</p>
<p>“Of course, bud, just as long as you remember to call me Mr Choi at school. Don’t want you getting in trouble now, do we?” Seungcheol’s smile is gummy and Chan’s grin in return is warm.</p>
<p>“Chan?” Another elf, significantly less beefy than Seungcheol but much more pointy, is standing in the doorway.</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s us.” Joshua waves an acknowledgement to the elf and turns to his son, still happily perched on Seungcheol’s knee. “We’d better head in. Santa is a very busy man and I’m sure he doesn’t like to be kept waiting.” He throws a kind smile as Seungcheol he gives Chan a parting high five.</p>
<p>Before Jeonghan can turn to follow his family, Seungcheol groans to his feet and sticks out a hand, almost as beefy as the rest of him. “I don’t think I caught your name, sorry.”</p>
<p>That’s because Jeonghan hadn’t told him his name, but he keeps this quip guarded behind a shy smile. “Yoon Jeonghan.” Seungcheol’s hands are warm, comforting, but he can’t think of anything else to say. His scarf is beginning to itch a little against his neck and Maddy has paused in the doorway to wait for him. He wishes she wouldn’t. “I’d better get going.”</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you, Jeonghan.” Seungcheol is still holding his hand in a firm grip. “See you at school some time?”</p>
<p>Jeonghan laughs despite himself. Through the door, past his ex husband’s new wife, he can see his son sitting on the legs of a worryingly skinny Santa Claus. “I haven’t heard that in a while.” Seungcheol’s ears regain some of their tint from earlier. “I’m sure I’ll see you around, Mr Choi.”</p>
<p>Maddy smiles at him as he catches up, a mirthful glint in her eyes. Once the door is closed behind them, she links their arms. “Who’d have thought the caretaker at Chan’s school was so cute, huh?”</p>
<p>Jeonghan lets his arm sit in a dead weight in hers. There are a hundred cruel things he wants to say right now, can feel dragging their way up his throat. But Maddy’s gaze is sincere and Joshua, when he turns to look at the two of them, a question in his eyes, notices where they are interlaced and does a terrible job at hiding his joy. They both want him to be happy so badly; so fundamentally. Jeonghan knows he wants the same for them as well, Joshua especially, but the rot that hovers on the edge of the open wound of his heart always threatens to creep in.</p>
<p>So, instead of a snide comment, he tries to tilt his face into a smile and squeezes Maddy’s arm into his body, nodding. She beams in response and a little of Jeonghan’s smile becomes real.</p>
<p>A bossy looking elf (<em>just how many of them are there?</em>) steps into the centre of the room. “Do you want to be in the picture as well, or just the kid?” The blond hair coming out from his hat is sticking up in all directions and there is a hint of madness in his eyes. He has the look of a man who has been made to ask this question too many times today.</p>
<p>“Just Chan is fine,” Joshua is using is calming voice; the one he once used to rock Chan to sleep or to comfort Jeonghan in the small hours of the night when the world seemed to hang by a thread. It makes Jeonghan shake Maddy’s arm off in the guise of removing his scarf.</p>
<p>Although Jeonghan has seen this voice work on literal wild animals, it doesn’t seem to have any effect on the frazzled elf who simply whips out a camera and starts directing Chan and skinny Santa for the picture. Chan is shifting uncomfortably in Santa’s lap and Jeonghan’s mind can’t help but compare how comfortable he was on Seungcheol’s leg.</p>
<p>Shaking his head, he forces himself to concentrate on the list Chan supplies to Santa. He sees Joshua covertly typing notes into his phone. They’ll divvy the list up evenly once they’re both home, neither acknowledging that they are jostling for the one they think is most coveted.</p>
<p>After Chan has safely delivered his wishes to Santa, they get ushered out a back door by the frazzled elf and don’t get a chance to see Seungcheol again. Jeonghan makes a point of not craning around for him, instead reminding Joshua of his earlier promise to buy them all mulled wine and hot chocolates. Joshua seems to remember it differently and there is a short debate as to whether he simply suggested the idea or whether the mere act of suggesting implied purchase. Chan and Maddy watch the interaction, bemused, and eventually Joshua concedes, but insists on hot chocolate for everyone.</p>
<p>“At least make mine Irish,” Jeonghan wheedles. “I’m so cold, Joshie.” Joshua’s mouth flicks at the appearance of his old nickname, but he declines to retort, leaving Maddy, Chan and Jeonghan to battle for a rickety metal table.</p>
<p>The group eventually settle around a suspiciously sticky table, Jeonghan being careful to keep his sleeves away from all surfaces. Chan doesn’t seem to mind though, drawing a face in the pile of spilled salt and answering Maddy’s light inquires about school, as if she hadn’t just spent four days with him at home.</p>
<p>Joshua returns, carefully balancing four pleasantly steaming paper cups. “Two Irish and one with extra whipped cream, as requested.”</p>
<p>Maddy picks up one of the Irish, sniffs it happily, and then trades for the plain. “Mmmm, they smell good.” She takes a sip, her eyes fluttering closed.</p>
<p>Jeonghan follows suit, the taste of the paper cup burning him more than a hot drink ever could. “Why didn’t you go for an Irish? With the whiskey I can hardly taste the powdered milk.”</p>
<p>Maddy just laughs, wiping a smudge from the corner of Joshua’s mouth. “I’m driving later. Besides, powdered is my favourite type of milk.” She isn’t looking at him, gaze interlocked with Joshua’s and Jeonghan frowns away, turning instead to Chan who is scooping up the undissolved powder from the bottom of his cup with his finger.</p>
<p>“Gross, Chan.” Jeonghan searches through his pockets for a tissue, but Joshua beats him to it.</p>
<p>“You’re finished already, Channie?” Joshua has picked that up from Maddy and Jeonghan’s frown settles deeper. “Was it good?”</p>
<p>Chan wriggles under the tissue and makes a noise of affirmation. “Can I try some of yours, Daddy?” His little eyes are hopeful.</p>
<p>“Please,” Joshua’s reminds sternly, he’s keen on manners. “And I’m afraid mine’s only for grown ups.” Joshua tucks the soiled tissue into his pocket, a bad habit for the health of their washing machines in the past, and leans back into his seat.</p>
<p>Maddy offers hers to Chan instead. “Here, it’s too sweet for me.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan starts to point out that Chan is yet to have dinner and so too much sugar isn’t ideal, but Chan already has the cup in his grasp, his top lip already restained brown. Jeonghan turns to sigh at Maddy, but she looks a little pale so he bites the inside of his lip instead.</p>
<p>Joshua notices as well and rubs her knee under her coat. “We should probably get going, actually.” He turns to Jeonghan. “We’ll pick Chan up again at the carol service, yeah?”</p>
<p>Jeonghan nods, downing the rest of his hot chocolate. One small droplet escapes the corner of his mouth, dripping stickily off his chin and onto his jumper. He sighs and watched his son say his goodbyes, waving his own with a tightness in his throat.</p>
<p>“Okay, Chan. Are you ready for a task?” Chan’s eyes brighten. “Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to help me pick out a present for Daddy and Maddy. I’m trusting you on this one, your word is law.” This last bit was potentially a mistake; last year Chan had insisted that Maddy really would love this new LEGO set that Chan had his eyes on and that Daddy had specifically mentioned wanting to pick up the new Captain Underpants book. This year, Jeonghan would try and steer his son more towards tasteful, but if their presents ended up on the childish side of crass, at least he wouldn’t be to blame.</p>
<p>They meandered through the stalls, Chan frowning thoughtfully at some gaudy scarves and a wind up toy dog, but not settling to make any commitments just yet. Jeonghan’s phone buzzes with the list from Joshua, already divided between the two of them which strikes him as a little presumptuous if less time consuming. He scans it briefly, one eye still keeping track of Chan, and decides it’ll require a separate trip to a bigger shop than these stalls.</p>
<p>His heart stalls a little when he thinks he’s lost sight of Chan, but he quickly spots him at the next stall over, gazing up in wonder at something. For better or for worse, it seems as though he’s found Joshua and Maddy’s gift.</p>
<p>Jeonghan catches up and takes in what has caught Chan’s eye only to be a little taken aback. The stall is filled with delicately and rather tastefully (for a Christmas market that is) decorated picture frames. “Hmm, interesting choice.” He looks proudly down at his son. “What you thinking?”</p>
<p>Chan turns his wise face to his father. “They could put a picture of all of us in it and keep us all together forever.” His eyes aren’t quite sad, but they’re not far from it.</p>
<p>Jeonghan’s breath hitches in his throat; he clenches his toes in his shoes to hold onto the earth. “What a lovely idea, Chan.” He clears a creak from his voice. “Which one do you like best?”</p>
<p>Like father, like son; Chan picks one of the most expensive frames at the stall, much to the delight of the owner who praises Chan’s eye for detail. Jeonghan silently thinks to himself that it’s likely because that one is blue and also has the most shiny objects stuck on, but it’s still a beautiful work.</p>
<p>They swiftly call at a supermarket to replenish their cereal stocks and pick up some bits and bobs for dinner and then, finally, they are home. Chan’s bag, which Jeonghan had taken over carrying at some point in the cheese aisle, gets deposited carefully by the door and Chan rushes into the house to ensure that his soft toys know he missed them.</p>
<p>Jeonghan leans heavily against the door, sending a reply to Joshua letting him know his half of the list is under control. Heaving himself away from the wood, he sets about cooking dinner, listening to Chan’s chirping from the other room and humming gently to himself.</p>
<p>When Chan is safely tucked into bed, Jeonghan settles himself into his worn groove on the sofa, a rerun of some crappy show playing quietly in the background, a glass of wine balancing on the coffee table next to his feet. Feeling oddly masochistic, Jeonghan unmutes his recently engaged friend. He scans her euphoric expression, seeking some sliver of his old self in the tilt of her head or the crinkle of her eyes.</p>
<p>He tries to imagine for how her relationship will end.</p>
<p>After some digging, he finds out that her fiancée is the sporty type, a member of a local football club. Maybe she’ll travel away for an away match, but the group will be stranded by bad weather and forced to stay in a local motel. Maybe she’ll realise that her and her roommate have to share a bed and, after things get hot and sweaty for one night, will realise everything she’s been missing in her current relationship and will elope with the goalkeeper.</p>
<p>He knows his friend has a taste for the expensive, so maybe, after the honeymoon period is over, they’ll settle down. But the house will not feel so grand after a while, the silver won’t gleam quite as nicely as gold, the diamond on her ring will seem to shrink as the days go by. And maybe, on a trip into the city, she’ll trip on her coffee run and ruin the shoes of a kind old man, but instead of getting mad, he just laughs it off and proposes to buy new coffees for the two of them. Maybe she’ll realise halfway through her coffee that the life this man can offer her is far more suited to her extravagant tastes and so the fiancée will end up buried in the back garden.</p>
<p>Or maybe, they’ll be happily married for years, laughing together gently in the evenings, curled as one on Sunday mornings. She’ll think she has the perfect life, the perfect spouse. But maybe one day she’ll look up and realise that the warmth around her is dark, the shade of dried blood. Maybe one day she’ll be told that she’s just too far away, too distant to reach in that darkness, and she’ll be left alone within it.</p>
<p>Jeonghan sleeps fitfully that night.</p>
<p>Chan works as his alarm the next day, head tucking neatly below his chin. “Papa, I’m hungry.” He raises his head to fix Jeonghan with a pitiful expression. “It’s morning time. It’s <em>breakfast</em> time.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan rubs crusty sleep out of his eyes and checks the time on his phone - Just gone ten, not too bad for a six year old. His voice is croaky as he says, “What are you feeling, chef?”</p>
<p>Chan launches off his chest and scampers to the kitchen. “We bought Coco Pops yesterday?”</p>
<p>“You know we did, Chan, that’s not a question.” Jeonghan struggles into a sitting position. “And you also know they’re being saved for Christmas.”</p>
<p>Halting in his blunder for the cereal cupboard, Chan tries out his biggest puppy eyes. “But Papa, it’s Saturday.”</p>
<p>“What about pancakes instead?” Although it seems small, Jeonghan doesn’t want to cave to an argument this early in the morning. “Pancakes and blueberries?”</p>
<p>Chan’s bottom lip emerges. “I had pancakes every day at Daddy’s. They don’t let me have Coco Pops either. Vernon’s Mum lets him have Coco Pops every day and for lunch as well.” His lip begins to quiver and Jeonghan sees defeat out of the corner of his eyes.</p>
<p>“Well, firstly, I’m sure that’s not entirely true and, if it is, Vernon is going to have a very expensive dental bill in the future.” He crouches down to Chan’s level. “How about, instead of eating here, we head into town and grab something to eat at Hoshi’s before we go to the park?” Hoshi’s is Chan’s favourite place to eat, mainly because the soft hearted own slides him extra treats when he thinks that Jeonghan isn’t watching. Or he knows that Jeonghan is always watching, but simply does not care, which is more likely.</p>
<p>Chan seems caught now. The Coco Pops fading in importance in the light of an offer of Hoshi’s. “Deal.” He offers a hand for Jeonghan to shake which he manages with a straight face.</p>
<p>Straightening up, Jeonghan issues his orders. “Right, teeth brushed, face washed, clothes on. Last one ready is a rotten egg.”</p>
<p>He loses spectacularly, but makes Chan go and rebrush his teeth while he throws some things in a bag and picks out a coat for each of them. He even remembers to grab a portable charger for his dying phone. By the time Chan comes rushing back, he is tapping his foot in an exaggerated display of impatience which makes his son giggle.</p>
<p>Hoshi’s is the other side of the Christmas market, but it’s still too early to be busy yet. Most stalls are still only setting up, the owners shaking the night frost off the tarpaulin covers, a few early birds loitering to beat the crowds.</p>
<p>As they approach the rear of the grotto, Jeonghan spots a familiar, green figure loitering in the exit. He’s with the frazzled elf and the pointy elf, their hands cradling thermos flasks. Chan follows his father’s gaze and lights up as he waves. “Mr Seungcheol!”</p>
<p>Seungcheol looks up from his conversation and breaks into a warm grin. “Hi, champ.” He calls back, offering his palm for a high five which Chan rushes to accept. Jeonghan creeps behind, hands clenching and unclenching in his coat pockets. “Did you forget something on your list for Santa?”</p>
<p>Chan shakes his head emphatically. “We’re going to have breakfast at Hoshi’s since Papa wouldn’t let me have Coco Pops and then we’re going to play in the park.” He peers at the other two elves. “Shouldn’t you be helping Santa? He’s a busy man and he doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”<br/>The pointy elf laughs, head thrown back. “We’re actually the ones waiting for Santa. His car, uh, his sleigh is having engine trouble so we’re stranded at the moment.”</p>
<p>Chan considers this. “Couldn’t you just get someone else to put on the beard and pretend to be Santa?”</p>
<p>The pointy elf’s eyes go wide and he looks at Jeonghan in panic. “Uh, but there’s only one Santa,” he trails off nervously, looking to the frazzled elf for support. “Nobody can pretend to be Santa, that would put them on the naughty list. Right Seungkwan?”</p>
<p>The frazzled elf nods. “Besides, we don’t have another beard. Wonwoo took the only one with him when he left yesterday. So we just have to wait until the real Santa arrives.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan can’t help but chuckle at their earnest attempts to preserve the ‘magic of Christmas’ when he’s pretty sure Chan worked out the truth about Santa at least two years ago. Joshua and Jeonghan had never really pushed it very hard in the first place, and Chan was scarily smart for his age sometimes.</p>
<p>“Hey, uh,” Seungcheol interrupts Jeonghan’s peaceful musing, appearing at his shoulder. “Since we’re waiting, we could show you around inside?”</p>
<p>“We’ve already been inside,” Jeonghan deadpans back, but Chan overheard the offer.</p>
<p>“Please, Papa.” He’s pulling lightly on his sleeve, eyes bright. “We could just have one more look inside.”</p>
<p>The frazzled elf - Seungkwan Jeonghan thinks to himself - chips in, “We really don’t have anything else to do until Wonwoo gets here, and I’m sure you didn’t get to see the reindeer yesterday.”</p>
<p>Chan pulls more persuasively now. “Reindeer?” Jeonghan doesn’t stand a chance.</p>
<p>“Okay, but only five minutes. My stomach is about to eat itself.” Helpfully, his tummy chooses that moment to growl loudly. Unhelpfully, he finds something colourful and foiled pressed into his palm. He looks down at the chocolate and back up at Seungcheol, grinning guiltily. “No sweets before breakfast, Mr Choi.” Seungcheol’s smile only widens and he holds the door for Jeonghan to brush cooly past.</p>
<p>The two elves seem to have totally adopted Chan, introducing him politely to all of the tiny figurines they have hidden around the grotto. Seungcheol and Jeonghan watch in amusement as the two bicker over the names of one of the reindeer, Chan eventually chipping in with a third option which simply adds fire to the flames.</p>
<p>“Papa, come look at this!” Chan is gazing at a small nativity scene arranged in one of the corners and points to the baby as Jeonghan crouches down. “Did I used to sleep in one of those?”</p>
<p>Jeonghan tuts. “Of course not. We bought you a proper bed - the finest money could buy.” He begins to straighten up.</p>
<p>“Will my little brother or sister have a bed to sleep in or will they have one of these?”</p>
<p>A crack begins to open in Jeonghan’s chest. “You don’t have a little brother or sister.” His voice sounds far away.</p>
<p>Chan’s eyebrows draw together a little. “No, but I will though. I heard Daddy and Maddy talk about it. Will they have my bed?” Chan ponders a little further. “Will they have my toys?”</p>
<p>Maddy, one of the few people who genuinely enjoys whiskey more than Jeonghan, opting for a plain hot chocolate. Maddy suddenly going pale and wobbly with no provocation. Joshua, one careful hand on his wife’s back, shielding the rest of her body from the crowd. The two of them easily agreeing for Chan to stay with Jeonghan on Christmas Day despite it being their turn to have him. The bigger house. The new car. The fresh laugh lines around their eyes.</p>
<p>Jeonghan feels like he’s being crushed; like everything is too far away. Blood rushes hot in his ears as the crack in his chest threatens to swallow him.</p>
<p>Be barely even registers a firm hand on his elbow and a cold rush of air, his breath coming fast and short. He feels himself half falling half being pushed into a chair and lets his head drop down between his knees, concentrating on the steady pressure pushing wide circled into his back.</p>
<p>Gradually, his breathing slows and deepens and the metallic taste at the back of his throat retreats. Feeling fresh panic surge up he raises his head too quickly and whacks the base of his skull against the wooden wall. “Where’s Chan?”</p>
<p>“He’s inside,” Seungcheol’s voice is low and calm. “Seokmin and Seungkwan are still fawning over him.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan huffs in relief, his breath forming a cloud in front of him. Tendrils of shame begin to twine around him, the way they always do. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”</p>
<p>He moves to rise, but heavy hands push him back into the seat. “You’re not going anywhere for at least five more minutes; I’m not having you pass out on me again.” Seungcheol is crouching beside him again. “Drink some of this.” He hands Jeonghan a bottle of water, unbranded and almost body temperature.</p>
<p>Jeonghan fiddles with the cap of the bottle, eyes unfocused. His edges feel raw and he feels the embers of anger that have been sitting in his stomach begin to catch light again. He’s so tired of it, though, and lets his head fall into his hands, pushing back against the pressure behind his eyes.</p>
<p>“Did they not tell you?” Jeonghan shakes his head and Seungcheol sighs. “There are some really fucked up people in the world.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan straightens. “They’re not fucked up it’s just,” he hesitates, unsure of exactly what it is, “complicated.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol huffs out a laugh. “I’ve heard that one before. Usually when people talk about the most fucked up situations.” He leans back in his chair, his legs spread in a way someone in tights perhaps ought not.</p>
<p>Jeonghan doesn’t know why he wants to defend them, but he’s too tired to try at the moment. He expels a cloud of breath again, watching the mist dissipate in the air. Feeling is starting to swim back into his limbs and he can no longer feel his heartbeat in his throat. He peeks at Seungcheol out of the corner of his eye, his head tipped back, playing idly with the bottle in his hands. “How come,” Seungcheol’s head tipped forwards, his attention instantly back on Jeonghan, “you work full time in a school but spend your holidays strapped into lurid green tights?”</p>
<p>There is absolutely no way Jeonghan said this just to watch the tips of Seungcheol’s flare pink again, but if he enjoys the way they do then it’s not the end of the world.</p>
<p>“It’s a long story.” Seungcheol brings his elbows to rest on his legs, still not taking his eyes away from Jeonghan’s.</p>
<p>Jeonghan quips a smirk. “I’ve heard that one before.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol’s answering grin is amused and he shakes his head a little. “Touché.” He turns his face out to the growing crowd of passers by. “My friend Jihoon runs this place. Angriest man you’ll ever meet, but a heart of gold, really. One of his employees eloped to Thailand last minute to marry the man of his dreams and Jihoon was left in a tight spot.” He seems endeared by the memory. “I said I’d help out if Jihoon promised to finally ask the guy at the next stall over.”</p>
<p>He tilts his head to the neighbouring stall. A tall man with a toothy smile is organising a display of wooly scarves and hats on a stand. He catches sight of them looking and waves enthusiastically in their direction. Seungcheol raises a hand in acknowledgment. “He’s sweet, but nothing was ever going to happen if I didn’t intervene. I didn’t want another evening of Jihoon lying on my floor talking about the way you can still see Mingyu’s pecs through his padded coat.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan chokes on a laugh and meets Seuncheol’s gaze. “What about you?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Seungcheol asks.</p>
<p>“Do you have anyone you lie on the floor over? No spectacular titties in your own life?” Jeonghan keeps his voice light, inquisitive.</p>
<p>The flash of pink is back and Seungcheol can’t hold eye contact any longer. “There hasn’t been for a while.” He rubs his chest. “That is, unless you count my own.” He puffs out his front, looking for all the world like a brightly coloured bird. Jeonghan tells him as such, but he doesn’t deflate, just casts a curious look from under his long eyelashes. “You?”</p>
<p>Jeonghan just rolls his eyes. “I had Joshua. I messed that up. I am undeserving of titties; I can’t be trusted with them.” He shrugs his heavy shoulders. “Besides, Chan is the man in my life.”</p>
<p>“He is a funky little dude,” Seungcheol is nodding, “but that’s not true. About you not deserving someone.” He gets to his feet, stretching out his neck. “Everyone deserves someone.” He offers a hand to Jeonghan and hauls him to his feet.</p>
<p>They’re too close to each other and Jeonghan can feel warmth from Seungcheol radiating into his bones. It’s a heat that feels like paper cups and scares Jeonghan just as much. He steps back, ducking his head. “I should get back to Chan.” He feels small again.</p>
<p>Seungcheol just nods, his face betraying no emotion. He leads the way, holding the door for Jeonghan once again, Jeonghan brushing closer than the last time.</p>
<p>Jeonghan needn’t have worried about his son, though. He is sitting, cross-legged with Seokmin and Seungkwan rolling a dice and playing for what looks like chocolate money. Not keen for his son to fall into the pit of gambling quite yet, Jeonghan ruffles his hair as he steps up behind them. “You ready for some Hoshi’s, Chan?”</p>
<p>“Oh, thank God.” Seokmin leaps up. “He was absolutely wiping the floor with us and we need that chocolate for when the afternoon rush hits.” He starts scooping up the pile of coins on the floor and, when Seungkwan and Chan begin to protest, deposits a couple in each of their laps with a pat on their heads.</p>
<p>Seungkwan rises to his feet, grumbling. “I was about to break him, I swear.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol just makes a noncommittal noise of comfort and crouches next to Chan. “You’re a born winner, kiddo. Did you have fun?”</p>
<p>Chan nods his head enthusiastically, pocketing his coins and trying to sweep the wrappers scattered around him into the pile that Seokmin is still scooping up. Jeonghan raises an eyebrow, but he pretends not to notice. “Seungkwan says if I come again tomorrow I can have a go at being Santa Claus.”</p>
<p>“Speak of the Devil.” Seungkwan mutters as the door slams shut behind them.</p>
<p>“Sorry I’m late, lads. My fucking Nissan, honestly, I swear it would be easier to actually ride a shitting reindeer sometimes.” Chan’s head whips to Jeonghan at this language, but Jeonghan is too busy watching a skinny man throw his coat, bag, and a packet of cigarettes into a pile on the floor and shove his legs, jeans and all, into the bright red Santa costume. “If I have to spend one more day in this fucking beard I swear to God I am going to go absolutely crazy.”</p>
<p>The man finally looks up and spots Jeonghan, recognition turning quickly to panic as his eyes fall down to Chan, stock still on the floor.</p>
<p>“Mr Jeon?” Chan’s eyebrows are furrowed.</p>
<p>“Oh fuck.” He’s wavering on one leg, the other half in the Santa trousers. “I mean, hi, Chan.” He looks up at Jeonghan. “Good morning, Mr Yoon.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol throws his head back in a roar of laughter. “I forgot you two would know each other.” He’s smacking Mr Jeon on the shoulder which makes him wobble dramatically. “You always did know how to make an entrance, Wonwoo.”</p>
<p>Wonwoo looks about ready to bolt of the door and never return. Instead he settles for pulling on the rest of his Santa outfit and hiding his embarrassment behind the bushy beard and Jeonghan decides he’s not ready for a conversation right now with Chan about why his classroom teacher has just been swearing like a sailor. He plucks his son’s coat up from the floor and ushers him over to wrestle his arms in.</p>
<p>Chan eyes the packet of cigarettes on top of Wonwoo’s coat. “My Daddy says you’re not supposed to smoke because it means you’ll grow up badly.” He informs his teacher seriously.</p>
<p>“You’re Daddy is absolutely right,” Wonwoo replies weakly, avoiding Jeonghan’s eyes. “I’m looking after them for a friend, but I’ll put them in the bin rather than give them back to him, how about that?”</p>
<p>Chan hums. “But they’re your friends, you shouldn’t throw them away without asking.” Jeonghan thinks he hears Seungcheol quickly turn a chuckle into a cough behind him and struggles to keep his mouth neutral. He’s raised a smart one, that much is for sure.</p>
<p>Seungkwan seems to take pity on the situation. “Oh, Seungcheol, I meant to ask earlier, but are you coming to the carol service this weekend?”</p>
<p>“The one at St Mary’s?” Seungcheol sounds confused. “I wasn’t planning on it. Why?”</p>
<p>“My kiddos are performing! You have to come,” Seungkwan demands. He turns to Seokmin and Wonwoo. “You guys are coming, right?” They both give a thumbs up and he faces Seungcheol once again, brattiness etched on his face. “I told you about it ages ago and you promised you’d come.”</p>
<p>“Is that the one we’re going to, Papa?” Chan is fiddling with a metallic coin wrapper.</p>
<p>Jeonghan makes a noise like he hadn’t been listening. “Hm? Oh yeah I think so. The one near the school?” He asks Seungkwan who brightens.</p>
<p>“That’s the one! My youth choir is singing there and they’ve been practicing their little socks off and I can’t wait for it. My boyfriend says they have the most talented little vocal cords he has ever heard.” He clutches his heart and leans into Seokmin.</p>
<p>Seungcheol’s eyes are heavy on the side of Jeonghan’s face. “Well, I guess if I promised I would go, I ought to. I’ll see you there.” It isn’t clear who he is talking to at this point, but Jeonghan hasn’t had the interlude of chocolate that Chan’s has is now reaching ravenous. He offers sincere thanks to Seokmin, Seungkwan, and Seungcheol, nods awkwardly at Wonwoo, and escapes out of the door, dragging Chan bodily behind him.</p>
<p>“Are we really going to see Mr Seungcheol and Mr Jeon at the carol service?” Chan’s brain seems to be struggling to compute seeing this many school faculty members outside of his safe classroom setting.</p>
<p>Jeonghan nods, zipping up Chan’s coat carefully. “And Seokmin and Seungkwan.” He can feel part of his brain already wanting to overthink the whole situation, but he wrestles it into silence as they start walking again.</p>
<p>A gasp beside him makes him look down. “We should get a present for Seungkwan’s talented vocal cords,” Chan declares. “I think they would like chocolate coins and maybe also some Doritos.”</p>
<p>“I like the idea, Chan, but we’re going to need to brainstorm that a bit further, I think.”</p>
<p>They discuss potential congratulatory gifts for the duration of the short walk, settling on a card, which will be made by Chan, and a box of individually wrapped sweets.</p>
<p>Finally, finally - it really should not have taken this long from door to door - they push their way into Hoshi’s. Soonyoung is laughing about something behind the counter with Minghao, a dirty cloth draped over his shoulder.</p>
<p>Soonyoung isn’t someone that Jeonghan would have expected to make as a friend. He is bright and hopeful where Jeonghan is quiet and cynical; loud where Jeonghan prefers to keep to himself; trusting where Jeonghan is cracked.</p>
<p>He beams as Chan approaches the counter. “Lil’ Dino, my man,” Jeonghan can’t remember where the nickname came from, but Soonyoung is the only one who has stuck to it, seemingly out of stubbornness, “What’s that you’ve got there?” He guides Chan to a table, winking a greeting at Jeonghan who approaches the till to order from Minghao, Chan pressing his origamed tinfoil into his hand.</p>
<p>After ordering somewhat thoughtlessly - Jun is an excellent cook and everything at Hoshi’s is delicious as a result - Jeonghan leans against the counter making small talk with Minghao until more customers pile in. Nodding goodbye, he approaches Soonyoung and Chan who are avidly discussing the benefits and deficits of flight versus time travel, both getting more and more animated.</p>
<p>Throwing himself into the chair beside Chan, Jeonghan leans his forehead on the cool table. “Long day?” Jeonghan knows Soonyoung is looking pointedly at his watch; he has a limited rota of jokes he cycles between. Jeonghan just grumbles in response.</p>
<p>“I think I made Papa sad earlier.” Chan’s voice is small, serious. It makes Jeonghan lift his head a little. “I told him I’m going to have a little brother or sister. I thought it was exciting, but Papa seems sad about it.” Chan’s lower lip trembles and he buries his face into Jeonghan’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Papa.”</p>
<p>Any hurt he felt before dims suddenly in the face of Chan’s tears and Jeonghan cradles his head gently against his chest. “You didn’t upset me, Chan, I was just surprised.” He pulls him back a little to wipe the tears crowding his eyes. “I’m excited as well, see?” He makes himself look excited, hoping he doesn’t look too much like a cartoon character.</p>
<p>Chan perks up as well. “Do you think he or she will like to build LEGOs with me?”</p>
<p>Love flood Jeonghan’s chest. “I think you’ll have to wait a little time for them to be old enough, but guess what.” Chan shakes his head, urging Jeonghan to spill. “I think you might be the best big brother in the entire world.” Chan beams and nods determinedly.</p>
<p>Across the table, Soonyoung is still gaping. <em>What the fuck </em>he mouths at Jeonghan over Chan’s head, but Jeonghan just blows out a puff of air into his fringe in an indication that he’ll offload later.</p>
<p>Their food arrives moments later, and Chan wriggles out of Jeonghan’s grip and towards his bacon sandwich, inhaling deeply. Jeonghan’s own waffles are steaming enticingly in front of him and Soonyoung leave the pair to hungrily scarf down their meals.</p>
<p>Finally replete, they both lean back in their chairs with sighs of comfort. Jeonghan stifles a burp because he is trying to raise Chan with some manners at least, and he turns to his son, content. “I’m way too full for the park. Shall we go hunting for some supplies for that card, first?”</p>
<p>Chan agrees with this plan enthusiastically, launching into an explanation of the intricate drawings he is planning to decorate said card with. It seems to have something to do with the family of reindeer statues they had in the grotto and maybe some of the Transformers as well. Seungkwan will love it, he is sure.</p>
<p>They call out a quick farewell to Jun and Minghao in the back, but Soonyoung grabs a hold of Jeonghan’s coat sleeve before his can slip out of the door. “Hey, you sure you’re okay?” His voice is low, not carrying to Chan who is waiting patiently just outside. “That’s a pretty heavy blow to receive out of the blue.” He is scanning Jeonghan’s face, concerned.</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Jeonghan reassures him. Weirdly, it’s kind of true. “It was a lot, but I think I’m okay about it.”<br/>“He could have told you himself,” Soonyoung grimaces. He doesn’t usually bash Joshua directly, allowing Jeonghan to vent instead, but this seems to have crossed a line.</p>
<p>Jeonghan pats his cheek. “I’m fine. Promise.” The last pat encroaches into slapping territory and Jeonghan scampers out of the Soonyoung’s grip and through the door before he can retaliate.</p>
<p>Chan’s tastefulness when it came to the choosing of Joshua and Maddy’s present doesn’t seem to extend to his selection of card decorations and Jeonghan emerges from the shop carrying a wad of brightly coloured paper, even more brightly colours pens, and an array of stickers, mainly in the shapes of different dinosaurs.</p>
<p>They stay at the park a shorter time than expected, the cold chasing them back towards home. As they pass through the market and past the grotto again, Chan cranes around for any of his friends, but they are all safely sheltered inside. Jeonghan silently echoing the quiet sounds of disappointment his son makes at this realisation.</p>
<p>Back home, Chan is launched into full artist mode. His stocks spread out hectically across the rug. Any time Jeonghan tries to sneakily catch a glimpse of his creations, he is met with a shoulder over the work and loud grumbles of discontent. He occupies himself instead with odd jobs around the house as well as sneakily ordering Chan’s presents online; any excuse not to face the frantic festive crowds.</p>
<p>Satisfied with his work, Chan stacks his cards into a neat pile, picking one up and presenting it to Jeonghan who sets aside his laptop to inspect it. “I made another one, just for you.” He averts his eyes, suddenly bashful.</p>
<p>Jeonghan cradles the card carefully in his hands. “A T-Rex, wow! Look at those teeth!” The colouring is an abstract, but, for a six year old, the drawing is superb. He beams at his genius child.</p>
<p>“It’s an allosaurus, Papa, not a T-Rex,” his genius child informs him. “They’re smaller and they came after the T-Rex. I think they’re much scarier because they were faster and they could also hide more easily because they weren’t as big.”</p>
<p>Nodding, Jeonghan corrects himself. “An allosaurus all for me, thanks Chan.” He opens the card carefully so as not to shake off any of the glitter.</p>
<p>
  <em>I am sorry for making you sad today Papa.</em>
</p>
<p>His sight is suddenly cloudy and he finds himself having to clear his throat a few times. “Hey, Chan, come sit down here.” He shunts his laptop off onto the floor and pulls Chan onto the sofa beside him, tucking him safely under his arm. “I’m not sad about Daddy and Maddy having a baby, okay? It’s a very exciting thing for them and I’m happy for them. It only looked like I was sad because it was a very big surprise for you to tell me, but you didn’t do anything wrong, mm?” Chan nods and Jeonghan plants a kiss on the top of his head. “Thank you for my lovely card with an <em>allosaurus</em> on, though.”</p>
<p>Chan worms his way off the sofa and grabs one of the cards from his neat pile on the floor. “Do you want to see the one I made for Seungkwan?” He places it carefully in Jeonghan’s hands. “This is Optimus Prime and he is singing a song with Rudolph,” he points are various images as he talks. “And this is Bumblebee and this is his Christmas tree he has decorated and it has lots of stegosauruses on.”</p>
<p>“It’s wonderful, Chan. I’m sure Seungkwan will be very happy with it.” He eyes the mess behind his son who also turns guiltily. “But now I think we need some clean up, don’t you?”</p>
<p>With the aid of some Christmas classics played far too loudly, the tidying passes more painlessly than perhaps it might and, riding that success, Jeonghan glides through the dinner, bath, story, bed routine.</p>
<p>Eventually settled into bed, he sends a quick text to Joshua.</p>
<p><strong>Jeonghan:</strong><br/>You busy?</p>
<p><strong>Joshua:</strong><br/>everything okay?<br/>just had dinner</p>
<p><strong>Jeonghan:</strong><br/>Everything’s fine.<br/>Just finished putting Chan to bed.<br/>Can I call you?</p>
<p>Before he can dial in the number though, his phone lights up with Joshua’s number and Jeonghan mourns not being able to get a glass of wine before the conversation. He accepts the call. “Hi.”</p>
<p>“Hello.” He can hear Joshua throwing himself down somewhere, maybe a sofa. “You sure everything is okay?” They never talk on the phone any more other than to pass across to Chan so Joshua has a right to be suspicious.</p>
<p>“I believe congratulations are in order.” Jeonghan is trying so hard to keep his voice light, his tone merry.</p>
<p>Joshua makes a confused noise followed by a pregnant pause. “Oh, shit, do you know?”</p>
<p>Jeonghan presses his lips together for a second. “About the baby? Yeah, he told me this morning. I’ll be honest with you Joshua, I could have done with a heads up; leaving our son to deliver the news is cold, even for you.”</p>
<p>“Jeonghan, we haven’t told him,” Joshua’s tone is urgent. “We were going to tell you both after the holidays, but he must have overheard us talking about it or something. I am so, so sorry.”</p>
<p>Those words, that apology just serves to stir Jeonghan’s anger further but he crushes it down. “It’s okay,” he exhales. “It just, you know, was a bit of a shock.” That’s an understatement, but those seem to be all he makes at the moment.</p>
<p>“It’s not okay, Jeonghan, but you know we didn’t plan you to find out like this.” Jeonghan can hear Maddy murmuring in the background. He feels a flash of anger at Joshua for not being able to have one conversation without her there, listening. But then he remembers that’s not his right any more. He no longer gets to feel possessive of Joshua’s time. He hasn’t got a claim to his sole attention any longer. “She’s only just six weeks along so we haven’t told anyone yet, not even our parents.”</p>
<p>“Joshua,” Jeonghan interrupts, “it really is okay.” He turns his face up to the ceiling. “I’m really happy for you guys. And I’m happy for Chan as well; he’s going to be a fantastic older brother.”</p>
<p>“He is, isn’t he,” Joshua agrees. “Fuck and we bought him this ‘World’s Best Older Brother’ T-shirt to surprise him with and everything.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan can’t help but laugh. “I’m sure he’ll try and wear it every day anyway. You know what he’s like.”</p>
<p>“True.” Joshua joins in with a chuckle. “But he definitely got that from you, not me.”</p>
<p>“I suppose that’s fair,” Jeonghan admits easily. “But I look so good in my three outfits, why would I need to find anything else?” Jeonghan only feels the missing step not under his foot when it’s too late and Joshua is clearing his throat uncomfortably. “Um, anyway, will you pass on my congratulations to Maddy as well? She’s going to be a fantastic mother.”</p>
<p>He hears Maddy call a small thanks in the background. “She says thank you,” Joshua says. There’s a pause and then, “We’ve actually got a show starting in a bit and we haven’t even looked at the dishes yet.”</p>
<p>“Oh, sure, of course.” Jeonghan lets himself be pushed back out. “I’ll let you get going then.”</p>
<p>“I’ll see you on Saturday. Have a good evening, Jeonghan.” Another pause. “And thank you. Really.”</p>
<p>“Mmm. You’re welcome, Joshie.” Jeonghan ends the call, the darkness of his apartment cloying around him. He pictures their bright, warm space. Joshua washing the dishes meticulously and passing them to Maddy to be safely stowed away, everything in its place. They might be listening to some music, humming along, maybe even swaying together. Joshua’s cheeks will have the beginnings of rose in them from the wine and his smile will come easily and sloppily. Jeonghan sinks further.</p>
<p>Days with Chan follow an easy routine over the next days. They wake up then Jeonghan spends the next eleven hours inventing reasons deny going to go to the grotto every half an hour and then, eventually, Chan goes to bed and Jeonghan has some quality time to pity himself.</p>
<p>The weekend creeps up on them and Chan stuffs down an early dinner, encouraged by the prospect of seeing his friends again so soon. His bag is swiftly packed and they’re on their way to the church. It’s a slightly longer walk this time, but Chan fills it with a story they were told at school which vaguely resembles <em>The Happy Prince</em> although Jeonghan can’t quite be sure.</p>
<p>Jeonghan’s phone buzzes with a text from Joshua saying that they’ve bagged some seats and that they’re beating off pensioners left, right, and centre so asking Jeonghan to hurry. They’re just outside and so they join the bottlenecked crowd patiently making their way through the doors.</p>
<p>Inside smells of incense and oranges. A small gathering of children with flutes are making noises that might be <em>Frosty the Snowman</em> near one wall and the high notes cut through the gentle murmur of the congregation. There’s a tasteful nativity scene at the front which some of the children are milling around. Joshua waves at them from a pew which is a thankful distance from the flute choir and Jeonghan shepherds Chan towards him.</p>
<p>“Jeonghan?” Seungcheol looks surprisingly normal out of his elf costume. He’s in a pair of jeans and a hoodie that manages to drown even him. “Hiya, weirdo.” This second was aimed at Chan who jumps up for a high five.</p>
<p>“Mr Seungcheol.” Chan’s voice echoes the swoop that Jeonghan’s stomach just did. “Are you going to sit with us?”</p>
<p>Seungcheol finally meets Jeonghan’s eyes, his gaze steady. “If your Papa will let me.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan grouses something about it being a free country and that he probably couldn’t stop Seungcheol from sitting with them even if he wanted, but as they approach the pew where Joshua and Maddy are it becomes clear that there most definitely will be space for all of them.</p>
<p>Chan swoops in for a hug hello and begins asking Maddy if they’ve seen Seungkwan or Seokmin yet. She makes the decision - foolishly in Jeonghan’s mind - to ask who they are and Chan launches into what promises to be an incredibly in depth explanation.</p>
<p>Joshua holds his hand out to Seungcheol. “Good to see you again.” He does get oddly formal around new people. “Joshua.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol just takes his hand, amused. “Seungcheol. Happy Christmas.” He looks at the gap and then back to the rest of the bustling church. “Is it okay if I sit here?”</p>
<p>Without so much as glancing at Jeonghan, Joshua clears their coats off the seat. “Of course.” Since he’s not looking at Jeonghan, he doesn’t see the glare he gives him but hopefully he can feel it.</p>
<p>They settle into their seats, Chan in between Maddy and Joshua, Jeonghan and Seungcheol cramped together outside. Jeonghan can feel Seungcheol’s thigh flexing when he stretches out his legs and he tries not to think too hard about it.</p>
<p>They spot Seungkwan hovering nervously at the front. Chan jumps up on his seat and waves powerfully, Seungkwan answers with a thumbs up and a muted round of applause. At that moment, the organ jumps to life and there is a rustle as people whip their booklets to the first carol.</p>
<p>“Oh shoot, I didn’t get one of those.” Seungcheol is pointing to the paper in Jeonghan’s hand. “Would you be able to share?” He bats his eyelashes a little and Jeonghan scoffs, thrusting the booklet more evenly between the two of them.</p>
<p>Seungcheol’s voice is unexpectedly sweet. It’s not soft, high, and clear like Joshua’s ringing in Jeonghan’s left ear, but he carries the tune well and doesn’t falter on any of the higher notes. His voice is stable and sturdy, balanced and unobtrusive. Jeonghan feel the line of his shoulders relax a little.</p>
<p>The choir really is quite good and Seungkwan is beaming by the end of the first song. Jeonghan tunes out the readings and the drone from the front, instead peeking out of the corner of his eye at the gentle curves of Seungcheol’s face, the kind lines beside his eyes.</p>
<p>“You’re staring.” Seungcheol’s mouth barely moves, but he jolts Jeonghan out his reverie.</p>
<p>He snaps his eyes back to front, a blush blooming on his chest beneath his jumper. “Am not,” he denies quietly. Seungcheol’s lips twitch and he pushes his shoulder ever so slightly into Jeonghan, jostling him. Not one to be so easily overpowered, Jeonghan nudges him right back.</p>
<p>He thinks he’s won for a brief time until there’s a sharp pinch on his ribcage. He jumps and Joshua tilts his head at him, questioning. He shifts a little in his seat, pretending to be uncomfortable, and Seungcheol snickers.</p>
<p>Jeonghan lulls him into a false sense of security. Two more carols pass with no japery, hands kept respectfully by their sides. It isn’t until the long reading that he plays his ace.</p>
<p>He lets his fingers rest very lightly on Seungcheol’s thigh, almost an accident except that his hand his hidden underneath his jacket. He waits for his touch to be noticed, then for it to be pushed away. It isn’t.</p>
<p>A few minutes pass and he stretches his fingers out, covering more ground now and letting his hand take a hold of some meat. This time, Seungcheol’s eyes flicker down to where his hand is beneath the jacket and the muscle under his leg tightens a little as Seungcheol draws his legs together a little. Jeonghan presses his nails into that muscle and is rewarded by a slight hitch in the breathing beside him.</p>
<p>He waits until the muscle relaxes again and then twitches his hand half an inch upwards. Seungcheol hisses this time and Jeonghan squeezes again.</p>
<p>“We’re in a church.” Seungcheol’s words barely even have breath behind them.</p>
<p>Jeonghan digs his nails in again, massaging the muscle a little. “Pay attention then.” He presses his thumb in and Seungcheol pushes his leg towards him a little.</p>
<p>When he goes to pull his hand up just a little bit more, though, his wrist is enveloped in a firm grip. “We’re in a church.” There’s a slight husk to his voice this time, although it’s still whisper quiet. It makes the back of Jeonghan’s neck tingle.</p>
<p>He tries to return his hand to his own lap, but Seungcheol’s grip doesn’t loosen so he lets his arm hang limp. Slowly, almost gingerly, Seungcheol’s hand creeps down until their fingers are interlaced underneath the jacket. They both stare straight ahead, but Jeonghan’s mind keeps wondering to the little shapes Seungcheol is drawing on the back of his hand with his thumb.</p>
<p>When the next carol arrives, they drop their grip as they rise, but Seungcheol’s hand holds the thin booklet alongside Jeonghan’s, their shoulders pressed together.</p>
<p>The service ends with no more foolishness and they cheer loudly and obnoxiously when Seungkwan’s choir finishes their last performance, Chan clutching his card and hopping up and down. He scampers out of the pew and towards the front as soon as the organ music has stopped, weaving carefully through the crowd. Jeonghan watches him politely wait for Seungkwan to stop fawning over his little choir members.</p>
<p>“Hannie?” Soonyoung peers over the crowd, his loud shirt clashing with the church best of the other members of the congregation. He’s clutching a small bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. “What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>Jeonghan leans over Seungcheol to accept Soonyoung’s offered hug. “We come every year; Chan loves it.” Soonyoung smells like ginger and the spices Jun sometimes uses when he’s feeling fancy in the kitchen. “What are you doing here? I thought you said you hated churches?”</p>
<p>Soonyoung rubs his neck a little, spearing himself in the ear with a flower stalk. “My, uh, my boyfriend asked me to come.” Boyfriend? Soonyoung has never mentioned a boyfriend. “His choir is performing and he was really nervous about it so I said I’d come along to provide moral support no matter the heeby-jeebies this place gives me.” He stares up at the oversized crucifix at the front and shivers a little.</p>
<p>“Wait,” Seungcheol cuts in. “Seungkwan is your boyfriend?”</p>
<p>Looking Seungcheol down and up and then down again slowly Soonyoung grins. “He is indeed.” He looks at Jeonghan, his eyes glittering. “Are you going to introduce us?” He doesn’t let Jeonghan get the chance though, juggling his possessions until one hand is free to offer to Seungcheol. “I’m Soonyoung. I’m Jeonghan’s only friend.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol barks a laugh and Jeonghan frowns. “You’re a nuisance is what you are.”</p>
<p>“Well, beggars can’t be choosers.” Soonyoung shrugs.</p>
<p>“I’m Seungcheol. I’m working with Seungkwan at the grotto.”</p>
<p>“Chan goes to his school.” Joshua is craning around Jeonghan, waiting for them to filter out so they can escape. “Could we just pop out?”</p>
<p>They shuffle out awkwardly, forming a huddle in the aisle which Jeonghan thinks must be more annoying for everyone else, but he holds the comment back. Chan is still at the front of the church, now talking animatedly to one of Seungkwan’s choir kids. He might be doing his diplodocus impression, but Jeonghan can’t quite be sure.</p>
<p>“Joshua, hi.” Soonyoung pulls him into a hug. “It’s been a long time, man. This must be Maddy. Nice to meet you as well.” Not one to be parsimonious, Soonyoung draws Maddy into a quick embrace as well.</p>
<p>Jeonghan silently prays Soonyoung doesn’t mention the baby but, thankfully, his friend seems to be showing some tact for once and is loudly catching Joshua up on every aspect of his life at one time. He feels Seungcheol watching him and tilts his head in a question but Seungcheol just shakes his head a little.</p>
<p>Squeals of rapture from the front of the church grab all of their attention and they turn to watch Seungkwan scoop Chan up and swing him a little. He plants him down again and lavishes kisses to the top of his head.</p>
<p>“I think he might be crying,” Soonyoung observes. He puffs out his chest a little. “Super Boyfriend to the rescue.” He scurries through the now thinned crowd towards the few members of the choir left, Jeonghan and the others following close behind.</p>
<p>When they reach them, Seungkwan is still wetly loading praise onto Chan, who is bearing it better than he would if it were either of his fathers doing so. He spots Soonyoung approaching though and, delighted, breaks free of Seungkwan’s clutches to dash towards him.</p>
<p>“How’s it hanging, Dino?” Soonyoung flattens his hair where Seungkwan has ruffled it up. “I love the Christmas jumper. Very spicy.”</p>
<p>Chan looks down, confused, but doesn’t get to ask for clarity because Seungkwan has latched onto Soonyoung like an army wife greeting her husband coming home from war. “You came! You came! Weren’t they <em>amazing</em>? Are these for me? Baby you shouldn’t have.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan and Seungcheol take a step back. “Guys, we’re in a church, please.” Jeonghan warns, flinching when Seungcheol pinches his arm in retaliation.</p>
<p>“Who was that you were talking to earlier, Channie?” Maddy seems to be studiously ignoring the display of affection happening five feet to her right.</p>
<p>Chan whips his head around, trying to spot his friend from earlier. He spots him near the door and points him out. “That’s Vernon. He’s my best friend in the whole world.” There is more than a hint of awe in his voice. “He can make all sorts of LEGO models and he went to New York last year on holiday.”</p>
<p>Seungkwan finally extracts himself from Soonyoung long enough to greet the adults, bright spots high on his cheekbones and his eyes still glimmering. “Thank you all for coming! My little superstars!” He wipes his eyes again and Soonyoung pets him under the chin affectionately.</p>
<p>“Right, well, this was lovely, but we’re off now to go drink champagne and enjoy Seungkwan’s silk sheets.” Soonyoung winks conspiratorially at Maddy who giggles and glances at Joshua. “Stay groovy, folks. Looking at you especially, Dino.” And, just like that, they’re meandering out of the church, Soonyoung’s hand tucked into Seungkwan’s back pocket.</p>
<p>Joshua starts tucking Chan into his coat as well. “We should be off too. We’ve still got some things to pick up for dinner tonight.” He looks up at Seungcheol. “It was good to see you again.” His smile is genuine.</p>
<p>Maddy pecks Jeonghan on the cheek. “Thank you for being so good the other day.” Her voice is shy. “It really means a lot.” Jeonghan squeezes her in a quick embrace and she speaks to Seungcheol over his shoulder. “Nice to see you again, Seungcheol. Although, I miss the elf outfit.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol chuckles and accepts her swift hug. “Have a good Christmas if I don’t see you again.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m sure you will.” Over his shoulder, Maddy points to Seungcheol’s head and then gives Jeonghan a big thumbs up. She winks at Seungcheol as well when he pulls back and then takes Joshua’s hand as they guide Chan towards the exit, waving goodbyes over their shoulders.</p>
<p>“So,” Jeonghan can’t look directly at Seungcheol. “I’ve not eaten yet.” He lets his question hang in the air, waiting for Seungcheol to pick it.</p>
<p>“Oh God, me neither.” Seungcheol grabs his stomach dramatically. “I think I’m about to pass out.” He tilts his head back, eyes closed, exposing his long neck and Jeonghan’s swallows.</p>
<p>He grabs Seungcheol’s wrist instead, dragging him to the doors. “Don’t be so damn dramatic,” he complains. “Come on, I know a place. My treat.” Seungcheol’s arm twists in his grasp and clings to his hand instead, pulling so he’ll slow down a little.</p>
<p>“See, this is nicer. What’s the rush?” Seungcheol swings their arms a little.</p>
<p>Jeonghan purses his lips a little, but slows his steps. “Where are we headed?”</p>
<p>Seungcheol stops dead. “You just said you know a place? We’re going there?”</p>
<p>“I do know a place.” Jeonghan grins. “But it’s Hoshi’s and I’m pretty sure Soonyoung isn’t going to have it open for business tonight.”</p>
<p>Floundering for words, Seungcheol throws his hands in the air, bringing Jeonghan’s with is and pulling him off balance a little. “Where were you planning on walking to then?”</p>
<p>“I was just going to wonder round until you picked up the courage to call me out on it,” Jeonghan admits and Seungcheol just blinks at him. “I actually don’t really go out.” His voice is quieter now.</p>
<p>Seungcheol seems to take this as a personal challenge because he straightens himself to his full height and draws Jeonghan a little closer. “Okay, well, I do actually know a place.” They set off walking. “Please don’t get your hopes up, though. School caretakers can’t afford fancy restaurants.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan isn’t sure there are any places to eat that would actually qualify as ‘fancy’ anywhere remotely near where they live, but he squeezes Seungcheol’s hand reassuringly nonetheless. “Trust me, anywhere where I’m not having to cook the food is golden by my standards.”</p>
<p>They walk in silence for a while, footsteps rhythmic against the pavement.</p>
<p>“How come you don’t go out?” Seungcheol’s voice is low, like he doesn’t want to startle Jeonghan.</p>
<p>Jeonghan sighs, his free hand fiddling with the buttons on his coat. “I don’t know really. Before Chan, Joshua and I used to go out all the time, finding little places where we would pretend to get engaged each night for a free desert.” He smiles at the memory. “Then we had Chan and we didn’t want to leave him, even with our parents, not even for one night. And then, after the divorce, I guess I just didn’t really see the point?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Seungcheol asks gently.</p>
<p>“I thought I’d blown my only chance at love and made myself too ugly for anyone else, I guess,” Jeonghan says bitterly. “I didn’t want to burden anyone with being a drain and so I told myself I was happy on my own. I have Chan, I have a job and a house. I told myself I didn’t need anything else.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol’s hand is warm in his, keeping out the frost that hovers around his words. “And are you? Happy on your own?”</p>
<p>“You ask a lot of questions,” Jeonghan laughs, but there’s no anger in his voice. “I think I could be, if I needed to be.”</p>
<p>The words hang between them as they continue on for a time.</p>
<p>“What about you?”</p>
<p>Seungcheol hums in thought. “I thought I’d been in love a couple of times. I thought I was in love with Jihoon for about three years, actually.” Something in Jeonghan’s face makes him chuckle. “Don’t worry, he sorted me out when I told him.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan tries to keep any hint of jealousy out of his voice when he asks, “How did he do that?”</p>
<p>“He told me I only thought I was in love with him because I knew he didn’t have any feelings for me.” Seungcheol huffs again, slightly forlorn this time. “He told me that I was telling myself I was hung up on someone so I didn’t have to spend time looking for someone who could actually love me back.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan chokes. “Ouch. That’s a bit harsh.”</p>
<p>“It was true though and it was what I needed to hear, even if I didn’t enjoy it at the time,” Seungcheol admits. “I actually had a hissy fit and threw him out of my house crying only to ring him twenty minutes later and tell him he was right.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol is smiling at the memory so Jeonghan makes himself join in. They turn onto a bigger street, more well lit and Jeonghan recognises the street sign. “Are you taking me to Pizza Express right now?”</p>
<p>“Uh,” Seungcheol hesitates. “Do you…not want to go to Pizza Express?” He slows to a stop and turns to face Jeonghan. “I think I remember telling you not to get your hopes up.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan laughs, exasperated. “I’ll be honest, doughballs aren’t really high on my list right now.” Seungcheol looks disappointed. “Okay, third option: how does take out sound? There’s an Indian right by my house and they do an amazing madras.”</p>
<p>There’s a pause and a part of Jeonghan tells him he’s foolish for thinking Seungcheol will accept such an offer. But then Seungcheol just says, “Is their korma any good? I’m not big on spicy food.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan laughs and folds their arms together. “Chan swears by it, but he also thinks Optimus Prime is the best transformer when it’s obviously Bumblebee so you can take from that what you will.” He tugs Seungcheol in the right direction.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, Jeonghan had also forgotten that another reason why he likes this Indian place so much is because the portions are elephantine considering their price. So, when they finally reach his door, their arms are weighed down with bagfuls of food; almost a grotesque amount.</p>
<p>“I think my mother would have something to say about eyes and stomachs if she saw all this,” Seungcheol quips, toeing his shoes off inside the door. Jeonghan relieves him of his bags so he can remove his coat, heading in towards the kitchen.</p>
<p>“You want a plate or a bowl?” He calls behind him.</p>
<p>“Plate please, you weirdo,” Seungcheol answers and Jeonghan bites down a smile. He’s serving up as Seungcheol wanders in, bending down to inspect Chan’s drawings pasted all over the fridge. “Is this him?” He’s pointing to a painting from Chan’s first day of school.</p>
<p>Jeonghan nods. “He told me he’d made it so I wouldn’t be lonely while he was out at school. I cried for thirty whole minutes about that that night.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol grips his chest, sighing. “He is just too cute.” Jeonghan prods him with a toe and hands him one of the plates of food, stacked to the sky. “Oh this is more like it.”</p>
<p>They both consider the table, covered in a LEGO set that Chan has left incomplete and settle for the sofa instead, balancing their plates on their knees. Seungcheol moans as he takes his first bite and leans back into the armrest. Jeonghan shoves him lightly with his foot. “If you make noises like that, the neighbours will get the wrong idea.”</p>
<p>Coughing, Seungcheol straightens back up, neck and ears delighting Jeonghan in their change of colour. “I didn’t realise how hungry I was is all,” he pouts, shovelling another forkful into his mouth.</p>
<p>“You only mentioned it four hundred times on our way here,” Jeonghan teases. The food is good though, heating him through, and he savours another mouthful.</p>
<p>“I need lots of food to stop my body from wasting away.” Seungcheol flexes one bicep and Jeonghan forces his gaze to remain cool and unimpressed, flicking from Seungcheol’s arm and then back to his face where his expression is open, awaiting a compliment.</p>
<p>Jeonghan just rolls his eyes. “Yes, Seungcheol, you have very nice arms. Well done.” He lays it on heavily with the sarcasm but pushes his foot against Seungcheol’s leg again to let him know he’s joking. Seungcheol still blushes at the compliment and lets his hand fall to rest on Jeonghan’s ankle.</p>
<p>They eat in silence from then, Seungcheol occasionally stroking across the raised bump where Jeonghan’s foot joins his leg.</p>
<p>Seungcheol finishes first and lays his plate on the ground, stretching his arms up above his head. “I think I’m so full I’ll never move again. Just leave me here.” He slumps back, his body relaxing, his eyes falling shut. Jeonghan decides he’s finished as well and collects Seungcheol’s plate from the floor, moving to carry them back into the kitchen. Arms come around his waist before he can get up, though, and Seungcheol whines from behind him, “Where are you going? Don’t leave me here all alone to die.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan pushes himself free, using Seungcheol’s face as leverage, and Seungcheol flops across the whole sofa. “I’m just going to chuck these in the dishwasher. Please don’t be so dramatic.” Seungcheol just whines again, but Jeonghan ignores him. “Do you want a drink?” He pops his head out of the kitchen. Seungcheol is still splayed across his sofa, one arm draped across his eyes. “I have white wine that is slightly too warm or red wine that is slightly too cold.”</p>
<p>“I’ll have whatever you’re having.” Seungcheol struggles back to a seated position and Jeonghan returns with two small glasses of red. He pouts when Jeonghan returns to his spot at the other side of the sofa, but grins when he places his feet in his lap.</p>
<p>Jeonghan takes a long sip, watching Seungcheol do the same and hide a grimace at the taste. He smiles into his cup. “Would you like to watch something?” He twists, looking for the remote.</p>
<p>Seungcheol hums. “Sure.”</p>
<p>“You don’t sound enthusiastic.” Jeonghan tips the last of his glass down his throat, abandoning the glass on the floor, and tilts his head to one side. “Is there something else you’d rather do?”</p>
<p>Seungcheol is looking at a spot on the wall just above Jeonghan’s head. He shrugs, gulping more wine and openly shuddering at the taste this time before setting the glass on the coffee table at his side</p>
<p>Jeonghan tucks his legs underneath himself, moving in to lean on Seungcheol’s shoulder. “If you can suggest something you’d rather do, I’m all ears.” A heavy hand comes to rest on his knee; Seungcheol’s head leaning towards his. He shuffles his leg, letting Seungcheol’s hand fall down onto the sofa between them. “If you want to do something, though, you’re going to need to tell me what it is.”</p>
<p>“I want,” Seungcheol starts, his breath coming a little quicker. “I want to kiss you.” He finally looks at Jeonghan. “Would that be alright?”</p>
<p>Jeonghan smiles, triumphant. “I think that it would.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol is hesitant, his approach halting. He stops inches from Jeonghan’s lips and flicks his focus back up to his eyes. He brings a hand up to stroke the soft skin at the top of Jeonghan’s cheek, just below his eye.</p>
<p>Eventually, Jeonghan is the one who surges forward himself and pressed their mouths together, clumsily at first, then more confidently. Seungcheol’s lips are slightly dry and he tastes faintly of aniseed and cheap merlot. Jeonghan suppresses a sigh tilts his head more, deepening the kiss.</p>
<p>Seungcheol’s lips drift open and Jeonghan takes that as permission to lick tentatively into his mouth, savouring the gasp it elicits. He does is again and Seungcheol retaliates, biting his top lip a little and pulling. Seungcheol’s hands have drifted down to Jeonghan’s waist, pulling at his shirt to try bring him closer. Jeonghan wraps his own arms around behind Seungcheol’s neck, one hand tangling roughly in his hair.</p>
<p>Breaking the kiss, Jeonghan traces Seungcheol’s jaw with his lips, sucking lightly just below his ear. “Your ears blush for you when you’re embarrassed,” he says, his voice throaty and low. “Did you know that?”</p>
<p>He leans in to nibble on Seungcheol’s earlobe and he gasps beneath him. He licks into the shell of his ear, Seungcheol moving one hand to his hip, kneading the joint there.</p>
<p>Jeonghan makes his way back to his lips, knotting his hand in Seungcheol’s hair and using it to tilt his head back further. This time, the noise Seungcheol makes is closer to a moan and Jeonghan smirks against him.</p>
<p>They kiss easily for a time until Seungcheol’s hands begin to wander, snaking under Jeonghan’s shirt and resting against the hot smooth skin at his waist. Not to be outdone, Jeonghan removes one hand from behind Seungcheol and traces, feather light, down the side of his chest. Seungcheol shivers and Jeonghan repeats the movement. “Jeonghan,” Seungcheol whimpers.</p>
<p>“Yeah, baby?” Jeonghan moves his hand a third time, even less pressure this time.</p>
<p>Seungcheol tilts his head forward a little, panting into Jeonghan’s mouth. “Please, hyung.”</p>
<p>“Please what, baby?” Jeonghan moves in to suck at the soft spot at the top of Seungcheol’s neck, just beneath his jaw. “What do you want?”</p>
<p>Seungcheol’s hips twitch and Jeonghan’s teeth sink in lightly and he moans at the back of his throat. “Anything,” he pants. “Anything. More.” His pupils are wide and dark; his lips are cherry red and swollen. Jeonghan rushes in to claim them.</p>
<p>“I’m going to need you to be more specific,” he murmurs and Seungcheol’s grip tightens in frustration, his hips jerking again.</p>
<p>“Do you want this?” He brings a hand to rest on Seungcheol’s stomach, rubbing against his abs. Seungcheol pants, shaking his head a little.</p>
<p>“This?” His hand dips under Seungcheol’s shirt, lifting it as he moves to circle one nipple lightly. Seungcheol pushes his chest upwards into his touch, his hand almost painful on Jeonghan’s hip as it clenches. “Use your words, baby.”</p>
<p>“More,” Seungcheol groans, breath shuddering as Jeonghan pinches him lightly, other hand tightening in his hair. His eyes float closed. “Please.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan tilts his hips forward, just a little, so the zippers of their jeans grate together slightly. Seungcheol grunts and jumps beneath him. “Ah, is that what you were asking for?” He does it again, more forcefully this time and Seungcheol’s lips are pressed hot against his throat, teeth grazing his collarbone.</p>
<p>Jeonghan’s cock is aching now, the pressure much less than he wants. He shifts his hips again, moving his body forwards and rocking more firmly into Seungcheol. He hisses as Seungcheol bites down on his neck and he claws his fingers into Seungcheol’s chest in answer. His can feel his heartbeat thrumming under his hand, his chest heaving.</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Seungcheol breathes.</p>
<p>“What is it, baby?” Jeonghan’s lips are against his forehead now and he kisses away a bead of sweat. “Tell me what you want.”</p>
<p>“I, ah-“ Seungcheol gasps as Jeonghan’s thumb ghosts over his nipple again. “I want to suck you off.” He’s pushing Jeonghan away gently so he can look up into his eyes. His lashes are heavy, throwing long shadows on his cheekbones.</p>
<p>“You want that, baby?” Seungcheol nods slightly. “Well, then.” Jeonghan plants a chaste kiss to Seungcheol’s cheek, swinging his leg off his lap and collapsing back against the sofa.</p>
<p>Seungcheol springs up, kneeling on the floor between Jeonghan’s legs, running careful hands up his thighs. His eyes are cloudy but eager and Jeonghan sweeps forward to catch him in a kiss again.</p>
<p>Seungcheol’s hand creep up Jeonghan’s thighs to palm him through his jeans and Jeonghan catches his lip, rolling it lightly between his teeth. Firm hands push his legs further apart and he shuffles forwards a little on the seat. Seungcheol licks lazily into his mouth, matching his hand’s movements with his tongue’s.</p>
<p>Jeonghan growls a little in frustration. “Get on with it, baby.” Seungcheol pulls away, already focused on his button and pulling his tight jeans down his legs. Jeonghan kicks one foot free and Seungcheol pulls his jeans the rest of the way off the other leg, throwing them carelessly to the side. He leans in to lick a bold stripe up Jeonghan’s boxers, moaning when he glides over a salty patch of precum. Jeonghan’s hips jolt upwards a little and he winds his hair into Seungcheol’s hair.</p>
<p>Tearing off his boxers, Seungcheol’s tongue darts out to collect the beads of precum leaking from Jeonghan. He leans back upwards and pushes these into Jeonghan’s mouth with his tongue, sloppy and eager. One hand comes to cradle the side of Jeonghan’s face, the other wrapping firmly around his dripping cock. Jeonghan whines into the kiss, the taste of himself heavy on his tongue, intoxicating.</p>
<p>A thumb swipes over his slit and he leans his forehead against Seungcheol’s. “Baby,” he purrs, “you’re teasing.” Seungcheol leans up for one more brief kiss, the hand on Jeonghan’s face looping to behind his head, holding him close.</p>
<p>Satisfied, he leans back, slowly starting to move the hand loosely wrapped around Jeonghan’s cock. Jeonghan plants one hand on the seat behind him for support, digging his fingers into the material.</p>
<p>Seungcheol presses a kiss to the inside of his left knee before leaning further forward, he breath hot and humid on Jeonghan’s cock. He gifts shy kisses up the shaft, hand still moving lazily and Jeonghan tightens the grip on the back of his head in warning.</p>
<p>Finally, thankfully, Seungcheol takes him into his mouth, tongue pressing on the underside as he bobs his head experimentally up and down. He finds a rhythm quickly and his mouth is messy, greedy. Jeonghan’s head drops to his chest and he clenches his eyes for a second. Seungcheol pulls off him with a pop, hand still pumping. “Hyung, look at me.” His voice is a little husky already.</p>
<p>Jeonghan opens his eyes again, meeting Seungcheol’s heavy gaze. He pants as Seungcheol leans back in, tongue curling underneath the head of his cock, but he grits his teeth and forces himself to watch and Seungcheol swallows him down again, going deeper this time. “Fuck,” he breaths and Seungcheol hollows his cheeks. “You feel so fucking good.” His head falls back again, but he quickly rights his mistake as Seungcheol pauses.</p>
<p>Seungcheol’s mouth is wet and sloppy, but his pace is still slow, lips dragging along Jeonghan’s cock as he pulls back each time. He’s taking him deeper each time, though, and soon his nose is buried in Jeonghan’s pubes. He pauses there, eyes flickering up to meet Jeonghan’s and his throat tightens. Jeonghan swears and his fist jerks reflexively, pulling Seungcheol even closer.</p>
<p>He gags a little, and Jeonghan loosens his grip. “Shit, sorry,” he apologises breathlessly. Seungcheol shakes his head a little, not releasing Jeonghan’s cock from his mouth. He brings one of his hands up to Jeonghan’s and uses it to push his head forward.</p>
<p>Jeonghan quickly gets the message and pulls him back up by the hair, Seungcheol’s tongue flattening deliciously against him. He pushes him back down again, watching his expression carefully, but Seungcheol only moans, his eyes drifting shut, taking him all with ease.</p>
<p>“Fuck, baby, you take me so well.” Seungcheol’s hand twitches where it was resting on Jeonghan’s thighs and he exhales sharply through his nose.</p>
<p>Slowly, Jeonghan starts to move his hand faster, his eyes trained on Seungcheol, his stomach muscles quivering. Seungcheol is drooling and his hand is kneading Jeonghan’s thigh absently. Jeonghan can feel a tightness building in him and it makes the arm holding him up shake, his hand flinching in Seungcheol’s hair which makes Seungcheol rumble brokenly again. “Baby,” his voice is wavering, “I’m going to cum soon.” Seungcheol meets his eyes, tongue weaving around his cock and Jeonghan can read the permission in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Fuck.” His breaths don’t seem to be reaching his head now, the world fading at the edges, his toes curling. “Oh, <em>fuck</em>.” The rubber band in him snaps and he is jolted forwards, bending over Seungcheol, a low growl reverberating in his chest.</p>
<p>Seungcheol swallows what he can, head still bobbing slowly, milking Jeonghan through until his calves shake and he straightens again, pulling Seungcheol back with a deep breath.</p>
<p>“Was I okay?” Although Seungcheol’s voice is raspy, ruined, his words are small and his eyes are large.</p>
<p>Still panting, Jeonghan captures his lips in a hungry kiss, tasting himself on Seungcheol’s lips, on his tongue. “You were amazing.” He leans back, pulling Seungcheol with him by the arms until Seungcheol is straddling him, his large thighs engulfing Jeonghan’s slender ones. “You were so good, baby.” He kisses him again, letting Seungcheol lick into his mouth. He presses his hand firmly against Seungcheol’s bulge and Seungcheol kisses up to his ear, whining high in his throat. “You were so good, baby,” he repeats, “and it’s your turn now.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol’s thighs tighten around him in answer and he mouths wetly at the side of Jeonghan’s neck. His hands are curling and uncurling by Jeonghan’s sides and he rocks into Jeonghan’s touch, chasing the pressure of his palm.</p>
<p>“Up.” Jeonghan makes swift work of Seungcheol’s button as he lifts himself up just enough to pull his jeans down a little, shoving his boxers out of the way so Seungcheol’s cock springs up against his belly. “So pretty,” he muses and a gem of precum leaks from the tip as Seungcheol grazes his teeth against his neck a little.</p>
<p>He grasps Seungcheol firmly, using his thumb to collect the dripping precum and pump slowly. It’s still a little dry though and Seungcheol hisses into his neck. “Baby, spit in my hand.” Seungcheol draws back, his eyebrows furrowing. “Do you want it to feel better?” Seungcheol nods mutely. “Then spit in my hand.” Jeonghan presents his palm, holding eye contact as Seungcheol leans forward to let a line of spittle dribble from his mouth. “Good boy.” More drips down and Jeonghan uses his other hand to swipe across Seungcheol’s lips.</p>
<p>This time, the drag is less and Seungcheol’s breath hitches in the back of his throat, his arm muscles clenching. “Feels good, hyung.”</p>
<p>“Good, baby,” Jeonghan enjoys the way Seungcheol quivers all the way down his spine. “You’re doing so well.” His hand moves quicker and Seungcheol presses their foreheads together, breath mingling.</p>
<p>He thumbs across his slit again and Seungcheol’s grunt sounds almost punched from him. “I’m so close, hyung.”</p>
<p>“Already?” Seungcheol nods, whimpering. Jeonghan hums, his hand speeding up again, other hand kneading Seungcheol’s asscheek. “Hold on a little longer, baby,” he implores. “Just a little longer.” Seungcheol shudders out a breath, eyes pressing tightly closed. Jeonghan moves his hand from his ass to brush away the tears dusting his eyelashes. “So fucking pretty.”</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Seungcheol whines, voice cracking high in the back of his throat. “Hyung, please.”</p>
<p>“Come on, baby.” Jeonghan’s pace is brutal now. “Cum for me,” he urges.</p>
<p>Seungcheol tucks his head into the space between Jeonghan’s neck and shoulder, his stomach muscles jumping. After a few more pumps he’s mewling into the skin there, cock twitching in Jeonghan’s hand as hot cum spurts onto his shirt. Jeonghan moves languidly until Seungcheol squirms in his grip.</p>
<p>They stay fixed like that, catching their breath. Seungcheol is heavy and warm on top of Jeonghan, a welcome weight. His breathing slows by degrees until he leans back, smiling shyly. “I’m so glad you didn’t want Pizza Express.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan shoves him. “Don’t make me think about doughballs when I’ve got your cum drying on my shirt, please.” Seungcheol just laughs and leans sideways onto the couch, tucking himself away and pulling his jeans back up. Jeonghan pulls his boxers back on, shuddering and the cool damp patch at the front. He feels Seungcheol watching him and leans over into him, his big arms coming easily around him. “I need to go brush my teeth before I pass out.”</p>
<p>He feels Seungcheol’s laugh against his back. “You think you need to go brush your teeth?”</p>
<p>“Okay, maybe we both need to go and perform basic acts of hygiene. It’s not a competition, stinky.” He curls his hand up to stroke over the back of Seungcheol’s arm, brushing over the thin hairs. “I’ve got a spare T-Shirt if you want it?” He keeps his voice light, the question unassuming.</p>
<p>Seungcheol huffs against his neck, tickling him. “I don’t think any of your shirts are going to fit me.” Jeonghan can feel the rejection creeping up and steels his stomach against it. “I’d accept a toothbrush and a pair of boxers, though.”</p>
<p>“Sure.” Jeonghan hopes he can’t hear his relief. He waits a few more heartbeats, then rocks himself up to standing, grabbing his trousers off the floor and offering a hand to Seungcheol. “You coming?” Seungcheol leaps up eagerly next to him.</p>
<p>They change swiftly and then Jeonghan rummages in the cabinet under the sink until he finds the spare toothbrush which he presents to Seungcheol.</p>
<p>They waggle their eyebrows at each other in the mirror as they brush, Jeonghan making Seungcheol choke a little when he winks at him unexpectedly.</p>
<p>As Seungcheol is bent over washing his face, Jeonghan asks, “Can I ask a question.”Seungcheol makes a noise of affirmation and Jeonghan continues, “How old <em>are</em> you?”</p>
<p>Seungcheol’s hands freeze over his face. “I’m twenty-nine; thirty next August. Why?” His expression is reserved as he lowers his hands to grasp for a towel.</p>
<p>Jeonghan presses said towel into his grip, smirking. “We’re the same age then.” He loops his arms as Seungcheol’s waist as he stands, looking at the two of them in the mirror.</p>
<p>Seungcheol’s ear is hot against his cheek, going into full overdrive. “Did you hate it?” He can’t meet Jeonghan’s eye, but Jeonghan shakes his head, pressing a kiss into his neck.</p>
<p>Seungcheol spins in Jeonghan’s arms so they’re facing each other and Jeonghan looks him in the eye seriously. “I would have told you if I didn’t like it,” he reassures him. “I just wanted to know.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol leans in to kiss him, grateful, his hands wandering casually to Jeonghan’s ass. Jeonghan slaps them away playfully. “Bed. Sleep.”</p>
<p>He wakes up the next morning to gentle kiss of sunlight against his eyelids and a man snoring obnoxiously in his ear. He turns over and sees Seungcheol, bare chest golden against the white of the bedsheets, one arm draped over his face.</p>
<p>Jeonghan rolls away and pulls the covers up a little to try and defend his ears from the onslaught. It’s no good through, and he shimmies back, crawling closer to the heat radiating from Seungcheol’s body. He stretches out a finger and lightly tickles Seungcheol’s armpit. Nothing. He tries again, this time using his nails against Seungcheol’s ribcage. He grunts as the arm that had been across resting across Seungcheol’s face smacks down on the side of his head, making him flinch.</p>
<p>“Huh?” Seungcheol sits up, wiping away the thin line of drool that had escaped from his mouth. He looks at Jeonghan pressing his hands to his temple and writing and pulls a face, confused. “What’s up?”</p>
<p>Levelling a glare at him, Jeonghan takes his hands away to pinch at Seungcheol’s body again. “You just assaulted me is what’s up. It’s not even nine in the morning and I already have to ring the police.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol tries to catch his deviant hands patiently, leaning back down so his face is next to Jeonghan’s. “Sorry,” he mumbles. Jeonghan just huffs in reply. Seungcheol pulls closer, pinning Jeonghan’s hands to the pillow. “I’m really,” he plants a kiss to the side of Jeonghan’s neck, “really,” he moves to his cheek and pauses, hovering above his mouth, “sorry.”</p>
<p>But Jeonghan isn’t that easily won over. He squirms in Seungcheol’s grip, burying his face into the pillow. “Morning breath,” he whines, “Go brush your teeth before you kiss me.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol pouts above him before moving down to nip lightly at his neck. “What is it with you and tooth brushing?”</p>
<p>Remaining unaffected Jeonghan wriggles his wrists in Seungcheol’s grip, manages to get his hands free and shoves lightly at his shoulders. “What is it with you and not brushing your teeth? Stop shaming me.” He slides out of the bed, the cool air of the bedroom raising goosebumps across his skin. “I might have a shower as well,” he looks over his shoulder coyly, “if you’d like to join me.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol stops pouting and springs up. “I love hygiene.” He stretches his arms above his head as he flops towards the bathroom, the muscles on his back stretching deliciously.</p>
<p>The shower runs to hot as they quickly brush their teeth then quickly strip, Seungcheol first without hesitating, Jeonghan pausing for a few heartbeats. He hasn’t been fully naked in front of someone like that since Joshua and, before Joshua, only a couple of times. And Seungcheol is perfect. A seed of doubt planted itself in the base of his brain but, before it could take root, Seungcheol turns around with those big, trusting eyes and just smiles at him, simple, unassuming. Jeonghan answers with his own grin and, stripping off his boxers, steps carefully into the shower as well.</p>
<p>The stream is hot on their bodies, skin quickly turning flushed and rosy. Seungcheol gasps as Jeonghan backs him into the cool tile of the wall, planting soft kisses on his lips. “Does this mean you’re no longer calling the police on me?” he murmurs, whisper-light hands tracing the dip at the base of Jeonghan’s spine.</p>
<p>Jeonghan hums, bringing one hand up ghost over Seungcheol’s nipple which makes him draw in a sharp breath once again. “I’m considering it,” he admits. His hand falls lower to map over Seungcheol’s abs, feeling the muscles twitch underneath his fingers. Seungcheol’s hands are creeping down to his ass and he can feel his cock filling slowly between them.</p>
<p>His hand is edging closer the Seungcheol’s cock, hovering over the muscles at his adonis belt and pressing into the sensitive skin there. “I’m going to need to brush my teeth again,” he sighs.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol makes a confused noise, jolting out of his reverie, but seems to understand once Jeonghan presses to his knees in front of him, mouth replacing where his hand just was. One of Seungcheol’s hands rests gently on Jeonghan’s head and he swipes the hair out of Jeonghan’s eyes carefully with his thumb.</p>
<p>Jeonghan looks up at him blindly, water running into his eyes too much to be able to hold eye contact, and licks flatly against the head of Seungcheol’s cock. Seungcheol’s hand twitches in response and Jeonghan repeats the motion, his hand coming up to fist around the base.</p>
<p>He pumps up and down lightly, not giving Seungcheol enough pressure to find it satisfying, suckling just on the very head of his cock.</p>
<p>Seungcheol’s pants and intermingled with groans now and, when he peeks up again. Jeonghan can make out that his head is tipped back, leaning against the tiling. His hand is still loose in Jeonghan’s hair, resting there comfortingly more than applying any pressure.</p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, Jeonghan tries to take more of Seungcheol in his mouth, tongue flickering along the sensitive vein on the underside, hand pumping what he can’t reach. His other hand lifts to very gently stroke the smooth skin on the inside of Seungcheol’s thigh and he widens his stance a little to grant Jeonghan better access.</p>
<p>Seungcheol is already twitching in his mouth, his girth making Jeonghan’s jaw ache. He moves his hand from Seungcheol’s thigh to very lightly caress Seungcheol’s balls instead and the hand in his hair finally turns into a fist. “Fuck, Jeonghan, that feels so good.” Seungcheol’s voice is deep, echoing through the bathroom and reverberating through Jeonghan’s bones. He grunts, “Do it again.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan complies, and Seungcheol’s hips jolt forward a little, nearly making him gag. Seungcheol’s other hand has come to rest on Jeonghan’s shoulder, nails digging crescent moons into the meat at the base of his neck.</p>
<p>Pulling back, Jeonghan starts to plants one last kiss to the head of Seungcheol’s cock before standing up. “Jeonghan?” he queries. “That’s not what you were calling me yesterday, <em>baby</em>.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol uses the fist in his hair to pull him close, stifling his words with his mouth. His hot tongue slips into Jeonghan’s mouth making him moan a little and Seungcheol presses their bodies together. Their heights mean that their cocks rub against one another, the contact drawing a hiss from the two of them.</p>
<p>“Hyung,” Seungcheol whines high in his throat. “Hyung, please.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan smiles into the kiss and wraps one hand around the two of them. The angle is messy, awkward, but the bass of Seungcheol’s cock catches the underneath the head of Jeonghan’s and his head spins at the feeling.</p>
<p>He moves slowly, languidly at first, swallowing the gasps and groans from Seungcheol with greed. His hand tenses slightly around the two of them and Seungcheol rakes his hand down his back, his nails leaving hot marks.</p>
<p>He feels his orgasm collecting in the base of his stomach, building in his balls and contracting his ribcage, making his breaths come short and fast. “Are you close, baby?” Seungcheol nods, their foreheads resting together, their hot breath mingling between them.</p>
<p>Jeonghan moves his hand faster, makes his grip tighter and Seungcheol’s head falls back with a guttural moan. His cock twitching and jerking next to Jeonghan’s is all it takes to finish him and he presses his face to Seungcheol’s neck with a mewl, hand slowing between them.</p>
<p>Their breaths slow and the water washes any mess away down the drain. Seungcheol hisses as Jeonghan releases his grip and he pulls Jeonghan into a gentle kiss. “I think maybe I really do enjoy hygiene with you after all.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan snorts and swats at him, not moving to pull away. “We haven’t <em>actually</em> done any cleaning yet that’s probably why.” Seungcheol tilts his head sideways in concession, but Jeonghan doesn’t stop him when he leans in for another kiss.</p>
<p>When they are finally cleaned, dried, and Jeonghan has brushed his teeth for a second time, he turns to Seungcheol lounging lazily on the sofa, scrolling aimlessly on his phone. “Do you want to go grab some breakfast? I know a place.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol drops his phone to his chest. “I’ll be damned if I haven’t heard that one before.”</p>
<p>“Yes, and look how well it turned out.” Jeonghan sits himself not gently on Seungcheol’s stomach and the latter whooshes out a breath of air. “Come on, I really do actually know a place this time. Promise.”</p>
<p>Of course, the only place that he knows is Hoshi’s which is why they are now sat staring down a gormless Soonyoung who seems to be internally debating whether the fiery pits of Jeonghan’s fury are worth taking this opportunity to make fun of him.</p>
<p>Seungcheol is wolfing down the biggest plate of pancakes Jeonghan thinks he’s ever seen and seemed wholly unperturbed by Minghao’s knowing stare as he took their orders.</p>
<p>“So,” Soonyoung’s eyes are large still, “you’re an elf as well?”</p>
<p>Seungcheol nods. “Only temporarily, though. I’m a caretaker normally.”</p>
<p>“He goes to Chan’s school,” Jeonghan supplies and Seungcheol rolls his eyes at his overused joke.</p>
<p>“Okay, weird.” Soonyoung grins. “And you’re having breakfast together because…” He lets the question mark hang in the air, teasing.</p>
<p>“Because,” Jeonghan replies curtly. “Seungcheol here had never been to Hoshi’s before and I had to prove it wasn’t worth the hype it gets.”</p>
<p>Soonyoung falls back, pressing his hands to his heart, acting wounded. “I am hurt.” Jeonghan should never have taken him to see Shakespeare. He sits back upright, huffing hair out of his eyes. “Anyway, so you two totally boned right? Because that’s the energy I’m getting and I just need to confirm.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol splutters on his final mouthful of pancake and Jeonghan reaches over to pat him on the back, smiling emptily at his friend across the table. “I could tell you, Soonyoung, but I’d have to kill you. And trust me, I’ve considered doing it anyway so don’t test me.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol finishes choking and pushes his plate away from him slightly, as if it has offended him. “I that might be the best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth.” He sighs contentedly.</p>
<p>Soonyoung’s eyes glitter warily, unsure if he’s being set up or is Seungcheol just made a blunder. He looks into Seungcheol’s steady eyes though and sees something there that encourages him to silence.</p>
<p>Jeonghan pinches Seungcheol’s thigh under the table as Seungcheol’s phone buzzes loudly. He checks it quickly, Soonyoung wiggling his eyebrows at Jeonghan as soon as his gaze is diverted.</p>
<p>Seungcheol chuckles as he types rapidly on his phone. “I’d better be going,” he says after a brief pause. Jeonghan looks at him confused so he explains, “It’s an SOS from Jihoon. “Mingyu has said yes to a date, but now he’s saying that he has nothing to wear and if I don’t come over now he might never leave the house again.” He stands, shrugging on his coat.</p>
<p>“Oh, okay, cool.” Jeonghan glances down at his watch. “I have some final bits to pick up for Christmas as well.” He doesn’t know how to say goodbye to Seungcheol. What if Seungcheol thought this was just a one time thing? Was he expecting to just disappear off, fade into the history book of Jeonghan’s life? If Jeonghan stood up would he say goodbye properly or would he be scared off by Jeonghan trying to leap into something too serious?</p>
<p>“Hey,” Seungcheol’s voice slices through his panic. “I’ll see you later?” He sounds as unsure as Jeonghan feels and that helps slow his heartbeat a little.</p>
<p>Jeonghan smiles. “I’d like that.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol turns to leave. “Oh, shit. It would probably be helpful if I had your number.”</p>
<p>Laughing, Jeonghan agrees and stands to fish his phone out of his back pocket. They trade numbers shyly, as if that’s the most intimate thing they’ve done. When Seungcheol hands Jeonghan’s phone back, he presses a quick kiss to his cheek. “Right, I really have got to go.” He stops, looking into Jeonghan’s eyes.</p>
<p>“Go.” Jeonghan laughs, pushing him lightly in the chest. “I’ll text you.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol bites his lip, grinning, and, with a wave to Soonyoung and Minghao, disappears out of the door. Jeonghan watches it swing shut, warmth blooming in his chest</p>
<p>“So,” Soonyoung’s voice is amused behind him, “when you said you were ‘off the market forever’ I guess what you really meant was ‘I just want a really buff man to come along and scoop me off my twiggy legs’.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan grabs his coat from the booth, his phone, now ever so much more precious than it had been, cradled in his hand. “Oh, shut it.” He flicks a napkin across the table and Soonyoung cackles. “Unless you don’t want your carefully picked out and lovingly prepared Christmas present.”</p>
<p>“Hey wait,” Soonyoung calls as Jeonghan approaches the door. “You never told me if you guys boned or not.” Jeonghan chooses not to respond.</p>
<p>As it turns out, Seungcheol is a shit texter. He reads messages and forgot to reply, he sends pictures three times by accident, and he manages to butt dial Jeonghan twice when he was on the bus home. Jeonghan didn’t even think you could butt dial any more.</p>
<p>Seungcheol’s inability to communicate over electronic devices are Jeonghan’s explanation, therefore, as to why, when his doorbell rings on the afternoon of Christmas Eve, it is Seungcheol, totally unexpected and uninvited, and once again dressed as an elf.</p>
<p>“Oh, no thanks, I don’t buy from door-to-door salesmen.” He starts to close the door, but Seungcheol catches it easily.</p>
<p>“Oh shut up, it’s freezing out here in only these tights. Besides,” he holds up a plastic bag, “I brought goodies.”</p>
<p>At that, Jeonghan relents easily and swings the door open. Seungcheol pauses in the doorway to plant a soft kiss to Jeonghan’s lips before fighting with his elf shoes to free his feet. Although they’d seen each other a couple of times since that first night, Jeonghan still gets a rush to the head at Seungcheol’s easy displays of affection.</p>
<p>“Plate or bowl?” he calls over his shoulder as Seungcheol continues his battle.</p>
<p>“They’re literally burritos so neither.” Seungcheol sounds frustrated but Jeonghan knows it’s more at his shoes than him. He finally hears a cheer from the hallway and Seungcheol appears in the doorway, his tights slipping slightly on the wood floor. “I brought extra sauces though.”</p>
<p>The table is clear this time in anticipation of Christmas Day so they decide to eat there instead of splayed on the sofa again. Jeonghan picking up a plate more to annoy Seungcheol than any other reason.</p>
<p>“What were you up to before I came?” Seungcheol is eyeing the mess spread across the rug.</p>
<p>“Chan’s been really into handmade cards recently,” Jeonghan explains around a mouthful of burrito. “But I just don’t seem to have the knack for it.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol shrugs. “It’s the thought that counts though, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“That’s only what they to children to stop them feeling bad that they’re not good at giving presents yet.” Jeonghan’s voice sounds bitter even to his own ears.</p>
<p>Seungcheol smirks. “So it’s all about the commercialism for you?” He cocks his head to one side, gently mocking.</p>
<p>“It didn’t used to be, but now I celebrate Christmas purely for what I can get out of it.” Jeonghan wipes a trace of sauce from the corner of his mouth. “Last year, I returned three gifts and made seventy quid.”</p>
<p>Seungcheol laughs until he notices that Jeonghan isn’t. “Wait, you’re not kidding?” Jeonghan shakes his head. “I mean, that’s kind of genius. I wish I’d thought to do that with the Hesse books Jihoon got me last year.” He pauses, mulling over what Jeonghan said. “What changed?”</p>
<p>“Huh?” Jeonghan looks up.</p>
<p>“You said it didn’t used to be about that so what changed your mind?”</p>
<p>“I got my heart broken,” Jeonghan quips, but Seungcheol doesn’t smile, watching his face seriously. Jeonghan sighs, setting his burrito down on his plate. “I used to love Christmas because it was a chance to be with the people I loved most in the world in a perfect little bubble that nothing could burst. We could make our own story each year, taking all the traditions we liked and binning anything we didn’t.” He sighs again. “And then I realised that traditions and memories just don’t mean the same thing to other people so what’s the point? What’s the point in making memories with someone if they’re just going to cast them all to one side and forget about them?”</p>
<p>Seungcheol nods. “But you still do them for Chan.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course, I want him to have a special time, but they’re not for me any more.” He picks up his burrito again, hoping to close off the topic.</p>
<p>Seungcheol leans forward. “I think if you think they’re worth doing for Chan they should be worth doing for yourself.” He muses for a little while. “What used to be your favourite? What was your favourite Christmas tradition?”</p>
<p>Jeonghan ponders this. “I think maybe going to Midnight Mass. We weren’t able to go after Chan was born, but there’s something about being in a church when the clock strikes midnight that just feels special.” He shrugs. “I’m not religious or anything, but the music and everything are the same every year and it feels comforting being around people who embrace a little bit of the magic of Christmas properly, not just for what it brings them, you know?”</p>
<p>Nodding again, Seungcheol pouts in thought. “Go with me this year?” He’s looking shyly at Jeonghan through his lashes.</p>
<p>Jeonghan shakes his head. “I’m picking Chan up this evening, he can’t go anywhere that late.”</p>
<p>“I stayed up till midnight for New Years when I was, like, four,” Seungcheol argues, “and, besides, if that’s the tradition you value the most, why not pass it on to Chan?”</p>
<p>He had Jeonghan there. “I’ll think about it,” he concedes finally. “How much longer do you have on your lunch break?”</p>
<p>Seungcheol checks his phone. “Half an hour. Why? Want to get naughty?”</p>
<p>“Ew,” Jeonghan grimaces. “You’re literally dressed like a festive lime, no fucking way.” He picks up his plate to go back through to the kitchen. “I was going to say do you want to watch something, but I don’t know if you’re welcome in my house any longer.”</p>
<p>They settle on most of an episode of some home makeover show, both of them throwing abuse at the horrifically rude home owners.</p>
<p>When it’s time for Seungcheol to leave, he pauses again in the hallway. “Promise me you’ll think about tonight?” he asks.</p>
<p>“Of course.” Jeonghan presses a kiss to his cheek. “Now, go spread some joy.” He smacks Seungcheol’s ass forcefully and Seungcheol shrieks with laughter as he stumbles through the door.</p>
<p>The dilemma plays on his mind the whole walk over to Joshua’s, only dimming into the background when he sees a delighted Chan waving to him from the window.</p>
<p>Maddy has the door open before he can even knock. She smiles at him welcomingly. “Channie, your Dad is here.”</p>
<p>Chan thunders to the door, Joshua following slowly behind.</p>
<p>“Did you have a good Christmas Part One?” Jeonghan asks as he scoops Chan into a bear hug.</p>
<p>Joshua laughs. “I would hope he did. He’s had more chocolate than I would have ever thought could fit into one small boy.”<br/>“And more brussells sprouts,” Maddy adds. Great, Jeonghan looks forward to that later.</p>
<p>“And I got two new LEGO sets,” Chan squeals excitedly. “Daddy’s going to help me start building them when I come back and I’m going to take in pictures of them to show Vernon at school.”</p>
<p>“Sounds ace, Chan.” Jeonghan stands up. “I hope you two have a lovely Christmas.” For the first time, he means it, and even moves forward to pull first Maddy, then Joshua, into a quick hug.</p>
<p>Chan skips beside him as the walk home, chattering about his past few days as if he hadn’t already fully filled Jeonghan in over the phone yesterday.</p>
<p>“Chan,” Jeonghan interrupts. “How would you feel about going to church again today?”</p>
<p>“Again?” Chan sounds confused. “Is Seungkwan showing off his talented little vocal cords again?”</p>
<p>Jeonghan laughs. “No, not this time. It’s going to be really late, night time really. But there’s a special service that I used to go to that I think you’re grown up enough for this year and I think it would be really nice if we went.”</p>
<p>Puffing up at the thought of being considered grown up, Chan nods excitedly. “Let’s go! Let’s go!”</p>
<p>“And Seungcheol might be there as well so you’ll get to say hi to him too.” Chan punches the air, skipping with even more force now. Jeonghan smiles and takes his hand as the cross the road.</p>
<p>Seungcheol knocks on their door at precisely half eleven. Chan scampers out to wrap him in a big hug, excited at the prospect of a midnight adventure with this still novel near-stranger. Seungcheol winks at Jeonghan over Chan's head, both acknowledging that they don’t want to let Chan into whatever is growing between them just yet.</p>
<p>Chan burbles ceaselessly the whole walk down to the church, recounting in detail the plot of a film he watched at Joshua’s. The film seems to be <em>A Christmas Carol</em>, but Chan seems to have missed out on most of the plot points, focusing instead on a very accurate impression of Tiny Tim.</p>
<p>Nonetheless, Seungcheol laughs along, enthralled, and Jeonghan watches him fondly.</p>
<p>As they near the church, Jeonghan draws Chan in closer, smoothing his hair in an effort to calm him down a little and Chan is serious when he retrieves the hymn book from the stern lady at the entrance. They find an empty pew near the back, and feel the quiet organ music thrum gently through them.</p>
<p>The shape of the service is a reassuring one for Jeonghan, his mouth easily finding the words as it progresses, his ears knowing the hymns as they begin. Chan starts drifting off about twenty minutes in and Seungcheol pulls him gently onto his knee.</p>
<p>In town, the bell in the clock in the clock tower chimes. Seungcheol finds Jeonghan’s hand without looking, careful not to disturb Chan.</p>
<p>“Happy Christmas, Jeonghan.”</p>
<p>Jeonghan squeezes Seungcheol’s hand lightly. “Happy Christmas, Seungcheol.”</p>
<p>And he believes that this one will be.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope everyone has a happy, warm, and safe holiday. </p>
<p>twt: @thesolemneyed</p></blockquote></div></div>
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